Happy. Thank you! More please.

If you ever have the interest and well, patience, to look back on some of my older posts you'll have seen somewhat of a theme occurring in regards to timing. Or more specifically, mantras and their timing.
We're told from a very young age to live each day like it was our last. This specific saying always bothered me as it's an extremely unrealistic request. If each of us literally spent each day like it was our last the world would become a chaotic place. And, in my defence, although the saying itself disagreed with me, I would have considered myself as someone who lived relatively "last day ish."

At least that was until I finally truly understood those words.

In some regards it's melodramatic of me to say I was on my death bed. I didn't die while I was in the hospital. I don't think I went to heaven and back.** But in another regard, I think I may have come closer to the end than the doctors lead on to believe. I was alone in ICU, monitored 24 hours a day, for many months. Most of which I have zero memory. The more I look back, the more I think the situation was fairly bad.
As I've mentioned time and time again, this entire experience has been a gift for me. It's not often people have a spark ignited in them that wakes them every morning saying "I'm feeling decent, and I didn't die a couple months back. Today is a great day." Every morning I have basically that thought. What was once "live everyday as it's your last", has become "Live today as though it's a gift. Because you barely even made it this far."

Life is a gift. Everyday should be the best day of your life. Whether good things happen or not, as long as the day is grown of a bed of "I'm still alive today, therefore, it's the greatest day" you will find joy in everything.

I've been thinking of a way to better express "Live as though it's your last day." It needs to express the excitement of life, but while still being realistic to the fact that you can't do it all in one day and most days have to be sort of mundane really.

What about...

"Live your life with the passion of knowing you only live once, but with the patience of knowing you'll live forever."

If today was your last day to live, IMAGINE the fire that would be in your actions but,
if you knew that you were to live forever IMAGINE how patient you'd be in all your tasks.

Think of your last day as your entire life. Live each and every day as though life can end at any moment. You don't have to go to extremes to get things done, just make every step mean something. Take in every breath slow. Kiss every lip soft. Take every walk long. And be in every beautiful moment. People who have faced death seem to have a tangible acceptance of this, and maybe that is what's necessary to make it happen, but my god is it a freedom knowing that everyday is your greatest day ever.

Every new day is the best day I've ever had. Because of life, because of you, because of smiles and laughter and friends, and learning and words, and growing, and succeeding.

Because of breath.
Because of heart beat.

I truly live each day now as though it is a gift. If you can work towards finding that, I promise you will greet each sunrise with joy.

There is always a light that hides in the darkest places. Thank you, whether it be god, or the universe, or whatever for this challenge. I am humbled and learned. My eyes open wider everyday.

Seek this. Find this. Life will be incredible.

Happy. Thank You! More please.


Isaac

**I actually may have, but that is another story for another post.

Time Flies When You're Having Fun - One Year Later

I cannot for the life of me fathom it being over a year since I last wrote. Where has the time gone?

The past few months have been ones spent reflecting, inwardly and outwardly, on life. I have been continually stumbling upon affirmation after affirmation and I was reminded that there was once a time where I did write these things down. For those of you kind enough to give time to reading these blogs I have to apologize for being so distant. It has been a busy year, in a lot of ways, and my hand was forced to be a bit more selfish than I naturally am (He said coyly and with a kind sense of humour) Sometimes writing open heartedly can be emotionally taxing and it would take a lot for me to commit to it. I also have been in several different head spaces over the past year which would have contributed to many conflicting posts! I hope I can make up for it. I wanted this blog to be personal. There are things I want to discuss with myself in these words, to affirm. Although, I suppose most posts have been as such. Well...

 For those who do follow however, again, I cannot believe it has been a full year. A year ago today (this was first written October 1st. I've been sitting on it for quite a while) I was bed ridden and being monitored 24 hours a day. Now I have a full head of hair, am working lightly and going the gym nearly five days a week! Needless to say, I'm in a much better place.
A point I should make clear, that I should have immediately once I knew, is that I am in remission. (Cancer free) This happened many months ago but the excitement of it wasn't as relieving for me as perhaps it should have been. At the time it wasn't the cancer that I was struggling with, it was the treatment and, cancer or not, I still had two years of it. I think this is one point that people untouched by cancer don't necessarily understand. Most of the suffering that comes from cancer (and please forgive my ignorance towards other types of the disease if I am speaking out of line) is not from the cancer directly, but the treatment of it. The chemotherapy in a sense, was designed to destroy me, almost all of me, cancer included, as to allow for my body to recover anew. This is the best type of treatment we have. I like to believe that 50 years from now this cycle will seem as barbaric as using leeches to alleviate headaches. This is what caused my suffering. A complete and utter breaking down of my physical self and also, more detrimentally, my mental, emotional self. I'll never be able to fully explain where your head and heart are while undergoing intense chemotherapy. Most cancer patients I've spoken with or read about understand what I mean by that. And with that, I'll be able to provide no more explanation to you. I've tried many times to express it but it is something that cannot be empathized and I believe it's because of this that there is so much unknown, feared mystery surrounding cancer. It is a burden to those experiencing it, and sometimes even more so to those angry with the fact that they cannot experience it. Cannot understand it.

It took a lot, nearly all of me to truly understand the sides and depths of cancer and its effect on not only me but those around me. The barriers stated above are just some of the struggles surrounding it. Unable to communicate feelings, unable to understand thoughts, unable to express and be comforted properly. It is no wonder to me now why so much energy is put into cancer and its effects. I admit at first I didn't understand. I couldn't relate to the emotions that people foretold. I couldn't believe the stresses and worries it would bring into my life. I was ignorant and perhaps even arrogant towards it. In hindsight however, I'm not upset that I chose that course of action. My youthful arrogance gave me strength through a lot of things and for that I'm grateful. I also did not allow myself to submit to the emotion of it all before it was my time. I allowed it to make itself known when it needed to. Giving me many months of plutonic unemotional fighting and healing.

To all those who have been instrumental in my recovery, you have been selfless and loving and I am eternally grateful to you. I know it's been hard... It's still hard. I know I've been selfish and short and up and down and tense and hostile and unexplainable. I know you cannot understand and I cannot properly express. All I can do is ask for forgiveness and understanding. Completely blind understanding. Please know that every second I've spent with you has been a precious, absolutely necessary one. I've turned a blind eye to conflict to make my own life easier and that wasn't fair. I hope I can make it up to you all when I'm in a better place. I've said this plea to some and they've countered saying "There's no need to apologize, you didn't choose to have this happen to you!" But they, you, didn't choose for this to happen to you either. Witnessing the suffering of someone you love will forever be more difficult than suffering yourself. It wasn't fair to any of us. I simply hope we can agree that we are all equal in our confusion and pain. Not one of us hurts more or understands more or knows more or loves more than the other. We have all been placed in an uncomfortable and unnatural situation and I hope that we may start fresh once this interruption has passed. I know we can. We owe it to ourselves.

 There have been several lessons I've taken from this experience but one of the most important, for me, was the understanding and appreciation of time. I admit as a youth I was hasty and was driven to succeed quickly. I don't quite know where the mentality came from but you can go all the way back to my grade 4 teacher who would constantly remind me to slow down on tests. This need to finish quickly and move on was a blessing and a curse. It bounced me from city to city chasing dreams and aspirations which was exciting and helped me grow but it also kept me from committing to any one thing for an extended period of time. What was unique about cancer was I had no choice. I was forced, against my will, to stop for two years. No matter how much I hated it, no matter how much I wanted to move on I was forced to stop, slow down, and work towards a goal. This may seem small to some people but for me I it was huge and necessary. The universe needed to teach me something and if I can find any blessing in all of this, it's this new found understanding of time.
Time has allowed me to see things differently. To see people and relationships and careers and passions with more detail. It's taught me the importance of really getting to know someone, or to really learn something through and through. Where I would normally jump ship I was forced to stay put and ponder. Observe. Appreciate and understand. I began seeing the great value of time. The experience and expertise one can develop if many years are spent at something. It also allowed me to not fear time. The fear of growing up was a subconscious barrier that wouldn't allow me to commit for any long period but embracing the fact that 4 years, in the grand scheme, is not long helped me understand the importance of taking the time. The focus fortunately was all on me. Where most people would go to school for two years and study a medium, I was forced to spend 2 years studying myself. My psyche. My heart and mind. It wasn't necessary, but it was available and interesting. To spend all this time mastering who I was is an amazing blessing. A lot of my time was spent doing nothing. Exploring silence, exploring self. Or more time was spent listening instead of speaking. A lot of time was spent finding who I wanted to be when I came out of it all, and who I was prior to this. Sometimes it seems as though I was a terrible student of life. I rushed all the assignments but didn't truly pay attention. So I had to spend some time in the dunce corner. Awful analogy I know but I can't help but think it. And be grateful for it.

I'd love to believe that I could preach the importance of slowing down, appreciating time and spending time on self but I was preached that several times before and it never stuck. Maybe it was me, or maybe we all simply need an experience that stops us for our perspective to be effected. I pray it not need be cancer but something. Something small like witnessing a kind act, or something beautiful like the birth of a child. Something that creates a spark in your mind and makes the world slow long enough for you to absorb its importance. Its wonder. I hope that happens for you one day, because once the world stops spinning so fast everything becomes clearer. Everything is noticed, nothing is for granted. It's quite peaceful actually. And while I haven't mastered me or this mindset yet, I am aware of them and striving daily.
                                 -----------------------------------------------------------------------

I may continue this blog with a few separate parts. Different affirmations each blog. Since I can never seem to finish it all in one session.

The moral of the story is this;

Thank you all. From the deepest, most sincere place in my heart. Whether you've supported me directly or simply spent a second of your day to think about how I am, I am grateful, and I admire you dearly. We all have our lessons to learn. Some come more drastically than others but always be aware and always be eager to learn. Gone is the mind who turns away knowledge, especially knowledge of self.

 I'm in a good place that's constantly getting better.
 If we can make every tomorrow better than today, what an incredible life we'll lead.

 -ILM

A Lot Can Change - Fighting Cancer

I was speaking with a good friend of mine just the other day and he said to me "You ever have those times in your life where, over the course of maybe 2-3 months, or say 6 months, you change more than you have in your entire life?" I smiled and nodded. Knowing that those major transitions had BEEN my life since I was young. I responded by telling him "My friend, I've changed more in the past two weeks than I have in my entire life"

I love change. I embrace and worship change. Any opportunity to re-evaluate who I am and what I stand for is intriguing and engaging for me. So yah, I've come across a few moments in my life where I've looked at my situation and sculpted a new, more centred, more understanding individual within myself. I think it's been the catalyst for the growth of my soul. I know it has.

About four weeks ago I was diagnosed with cancer. Although the cat has whispered through the bag already I figured I would publicly post this to calm any concerned minds. It's a scary thing to say out loud but what I've come to realize is it's an even scarier thing for people to hear while far away. The cancer I've acquired however is controllable and, if one had to get any kind, it's a kind that can be treated quite well. Success rates are very positive and treatment is not intolerable.
So nobody worry for me from afar. If you were near, you'd see my high spirits and my comfort with the entire thing. Most days I feel like a regular Joe (who watches a lot of movies and plays a lot of video games)

Getting the news was a strange moment for me. The doctor who had to tell us was ready for the family breakdown. It was my parents and I, sitting in a screened off section of emergency, waiting to hear whether or not my blood work showed cancerous cells (the type of cancer I've gotten is called Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acute_lymphoblastic_leukemia)
I could tell the doctor was nervous. He was new, and stumbled over most of what he said, delicate not to be insensitive, but trying to act his part as the professional. When he confirmed their findings I'm sure he was surprised to see our family take it fairly calmly. Little did he know he was sitting with the Matthews family. Little rattles us. We simply said "Well, alright then. What now?" Taken aback he continued to try and provide comfort but I'm sure he was relieved.

I didn't care to be emotional regarding it. That's what you'll find to be the reoccurring theme throughout this blog. The lack of emotion - at least in regards to the cancer itself. I wasn't scared, nor did I immediately think of death or any of that Hollywood hub-bub. I felt completely plutonic towards the disease, as though I had just been told I had a mean fever and we were gonna give you some pills for it. Just another sickness to fight off. I don't know if this is a quality that I posses or it is how most people take this kind of news? It was much easier though. I was too young to envision something like this taking my life; that wasn't even an option. And even if treatment sucked it couldn't be any worse than when I got my wisdom teeth out or fought off other crazy infections I'd had as a child. I would follow the doctors instructions, go through some crazy tests and maybe even surgeries, then I'd be back on the road. That's what I knew. That's what I know. There's no other options to even entertain really. I'm 22! I have waaaaaaay to many things to screw up still and discover. This was just a speed bump to pass over. Reaffirm some beliefs and move on. That's how I saw it, and still see it as we speak.

The next week or two was spent hooked up to IV after IV helping my body recover from all the infections I had developed while ignoring the signs of my condition - lol (p.s. if you ever feel off...just go get some work done. Why not just do it!? We're such a stubborn species)
It was during this time that I was introduced to so many experiences that I care not to mention them all. Some too personal to reveal, some too spiritual to make sense of. It was this lying alone in a hospital bed, staring at a wall, feeling my body fight with everything it had, that allowed me to undergo constant and immense self-analyzation and self-realization. A moment in my life that I'll forever view as an opportunity opposed to an unfortunate event.

Where I began to get emotional was in the out pouring of support. I would receive letters and emails from friends and family of whom I hadn't spoken in years. Even to have someone who I would consider an acquaintance, no, nearly a stranger, send a message saying they spend a moment each day praying for me was so powerful to me. I'm a strong believer in the power of thought and to know that individuals were taking a second from their busy days to stop and think about my well being nearly brought me to tears. It's an incredible gesture and to all who spent the time for me I am forever in your gratitude. Your love was most definitely felt and it inspired me to stay happy during the hardest of days. It was such a powerful, beautiful gift to be cared for from all over the country. Even the world. I had forgotten about so many incredible individuals I had met throughout my life, all of whom I wish I could gather together and have a giant celebration for!
I don't know who said it but there is that quote that mentions gauging your life based on the type of people you've surrounded yourself with. My life is full of the worlds greatest people. I can confidently say that. I am lucky enough to be friends and be loved by some of the kindest, most caring, most generous lovely people in the world. All of this has given me so much hope for the state of all of us. It is a shame it takes some bad news to encourage the outpouring but at least I am now aware that the flood gate exists. The world is full of wonderful people, don't ever think twice about that fact. If you need a friend or a kind shoulder, they are out there. I promise you.

In any case, I wished not to make this blog too long. I simply wanted to make certain my situation to those who hadn't heard, and to also express my deepest love towards everyone in my life. Yes, everyone I've ever met who has helped shape who I am. This is a battle that I must take on and I am glad for it. It has given me the opportunity to focus on positivity each and every day. It's allowed me to spend the time appreciating those in my life including my incredible family and friends. It's given me the chance to slow down life for a moment and really discover what's important and where I want to go.
It's given me the chance to conquer something. Something that had taken my life from my hands, and now I get to take it back. A liberating moment that I am blessed to experience.

Treatment has been going perfectly to plan. I am young and have a healthy body so it fights valiantly and successfully.

Thank you again to everyone who has supported me and spent time for me. A million thank yous. I look forward to seeing everyone and handing out some fierce hugs!

I'll let you know when I'm cancer free and taking over the world once more :)

Cheers & love,
Isaac Matthews

Some Important Things...

It's funny how some things don't make sense until a certain point in life... I don't know if it's just me but I've had countless experiences when a quote that has been drilled into my head since birth, suddenly makes perfect sense to me. As though it's the first time I've ever heard this revolutionary statement. The biggest ones for me are the most common ones; Distance makes the heart grow fonder, Live everyday as though it's your last, Money isn't everything, etc etc etc. Those famous lines that you hear all the time and brush off. Until it just hits you. Maybe adults aren't as naive as I thought. Of course their not, but you can't blame someone for not listening to you if they have no idea what your talking about. It would be like me trying to explain how great something tastes to someone. Sure they hear me, but they won't really listen or understand until they sink their teeth into it. And to be honest, I listen quite a lot to my elders. I truly do try and sympathize with the advice their giving me. I respect their opinions and know they've lived a life I don't know much about. I think that's why the life lessons are so profound to me. When I've heard repetitious warnings over and over and yet, as soon as it applies to my life, it all ACTUALLY makes sense. Just a thought... Gosh has it been a while since I've blogged. If you are one to follow my life based on my blogging than you have missed quite a lot. (My fault I know) My last blog was one of lack luster hope, but hope none the less. Turns out I wasn't destined for Toronto for another year. Things came up, I left. Now living in Edmonton. Long story. Won't get into details. This whole experience has been a.. different one. I have certainly changed a great deal, and I believe I'm truly starting to make concrete my foundation of beliefs and standards. One by one all of the advice the adults in my life have lent me is forming building blocks of personal structure. I guess that's why these same old quotes have stuck around for years and years. It's not often that incorrect information sticks around for that long (except maybe when it comes to politics) so I best be taking note of it. As mentioned before however, there is only so much credit I can give advice I have yet to experience. I have to witness and work it out in my own mind for it to apply and I'm grateful for that. I do rather enjoy living. It's like a giant puzzle. Different pieces fitting themselves together. Discovering new things about the world and yourself. Figuring out mental mysteries and coming to sincere conclusions. It's very entertaining. Sometimes exhausting, but entertaining none the less. Most important things I've learned since my move: Patience. My oh my did patience and I not get along. My wrestle with patience was completely due to fiery, uncalculated, young-buck-ism. It was my own personal fuck you to the system. I was positive I could live my life as fast as possible. Get everything done quickly. Learn as much, do as much, and be the best at so much in short amounts of time. (Just ask my grade 4 teacher, Ms.Purdon. It was on more than one occasion that she told me to slow down on tests) I don't know where this mentality came from. Maybe it was my cry of mediocrity? If I always finished first I would stand out (The actual mark didn't matter) Or perhaps it was dawned when I first let the phrase "We only live once" really sink in. From that day on I promised myself I would try and experience EVERYTHING life had to offer. Because I did, after all, only have one go. So rushing through everything was the only way to accomplish this. Was I ever wrong. And I'll openly admit my mistake on this one. Patience might be the most beautiful, necessary thing in life. And god are their countless "patience is virtue" quotes that I've condescended over the years. No longer. Patience is my new goal and my new project. I have 21 years of brain re-wiring to do but I'll get there. Incredible things are accomplished with patience. Life is long, let it be so. This one virtue will most likely be the one I drill into my children's head one day. Money. Guess what everyone? Money ISN'T everything. Profound eh? Right now I feel like I'm the first who's ever said that. I won't go into heavy details about money because it's boring but, long story short. I've hung out with people who have no money, and I've hung out with people who have tons of money. The beautiful irony to it is: Both parties are equally in debt. Yet the people who never had money don't work nearly as hard (against their will), and seem a lot more free. Sure their house isn't as nice and they don't have 3 cars, 2 quads and a butler, but who needs it. Also, if they were to lose everything that day, they wouldn't lose a whole lot. As opposed to those with a whole lot. Wait, wait, wait.... The bigger they are the harder they fall? The more you have, the more you have to loose? Dammit. Another moment of repeated truth. Things don't matter. I moved out here to make more money. Funny thing is, the more money I made the less I wanted stuff. I found more satisfaction in working hard and accomplishing my job than I did the spoils of such. Which, to me, was a HUGE ground breaking moment in my growth. I have developed a seriously new outlook on working hard and following through. It's almost liberating actually. Finally, Company. Life is about socialization. The greatest achievements of man kind have been developed and accomplished through cooperation. As will the next greatest things. I also moved out here because I missed my family and I missed being social with them. Problem was, I didn't try and be social in Toronto. I tried to be lone wolf, and convinced myself that picking up the phone and calling someone didn't count as socializing. Once again, my bad. Phone calls are a heck of a lot of fun! So is Skype and things of the like. I also didn't think I had any good friends in Toronto, yet, now sitting here in Edmonton, I'm missing people who I didn't even make effort to hang out with! How CRAZY is that?! I was on a mission to make myself unhappy it seems. I've tried to determine why, and can't give you a good answer. I don't think I knew I was doing it. So if I may give some advice as a closing statement. Too all those younger than I, respect your seniors ;) and to all those older, make sure I'm getting this right. Take time in life. Life is long and beautiful and the more you rush the more you miss. Don't let life become routine, find something new and wonderful in each day. It's there if you actively seek it. Don't feel discouraged if it takes you a while to accomplish something. Do you think the golden gate bridge was built over night? (Dammit! That one too?!) You can have a lot of fun slowing things down and breathing. If we only live once, why rush it? Make it last. Let go of things. Stuff is nice and getting things is fun, but they are a million times more rewarding if you have worked hard for them. Treat yourself for accomplishing things and find wealth and value in the work you do. Achievement is more valuable than the prize. Heck achievement IS the prize. The prize is just the memento. Like the shot glass you buy on your trip to mexico that says "I got really drunk in Mexico" on the side. I'd imagine the winner of a gold medal in the olympics doesn't remember the piece of metal on the mantle, they remember the experience and feeling of winning, no? Socialize. Be friendly and make friends. I like to believe that everyone on earth enjoys having a friend and making friends. Embrace those who have come into your life and find value in them. A lot of them have done some pretty interesting things. Sit down, have a chat, see a show, find company. Being alone only lasts long. Laughing at my own jokes isn't as fun as having other people around to pretend to laugh at my jokes. Now I don't imagine you will all sit here, read this blog and have a profound awakening. I don't expect you to. The reason this all means so much to me is because it has presented itself to me when I was willing and ready to listen. I can say confidently though that your time will come. You'll experience something in life and then all of a sudden "One in the hand is worth two in the bush" will become your new life philosophy! (What does that even mean?) Just know that when it happens, your parents told you so, so give them their proper dues. Sometimes they actually know what their talking about it seems. Whoda thunk?! To all those who have tried to teach me a lesson, I thank you dearly. Whether I listened at the time or not. I'll eventually discover what you meant and thoroughly appreciate your wisdom and guidance. I guess that's it for now. A lot of re-wiring on the go. Pretty pumped. But don't worry... This may take a while.

Constantly in the Darkness, Where's That At?

Identity is a hard thing to come by.

I'm not talking about individualism. I think that comes quite naturally. But instead, to have an identity that's your own. To have more than just an image, but a presence that is yours.
I guess everyone by default has an identity. Where the struggle lies is in finding the one you are in tune with.
I've always struggled with an identity. I've been so interested in so many things that it's taken away my ability to develop a single, strong identity. I've been spread so thin, across so many mediums that to consider myself one solid structure of mind and soul would be impossible. At least at this point in my life.
The search for passion and identity have revealed themselves to me as being identical quests. I've been under the impression that my journey has been to seek out my passion and the activities I love. But in reality, the search has been for the person I am passionate being.

Am I most in love while playing music, or while being a musician?

I think this ultimate question has altered my view on where I stand in life. I've given a year of my life to following a passion of mine. It has been a year of absolute extremes. I have been the happiest I have ever been in my life, and also the saddest. I have played shows and been enamoured, I have worked hard and been exhausted.
What bothers me however, while I sit here on my approximate one year anniversary of moving to Toronto, is that something is still missing inside me. Pursuing music hasn't filled the void of creativity I figured it would.
I'm doing everything in my power to make sure that the void I am feeling isn't just a void for international success (because clearly that hasn't happened) but an emotional void. I don't want to kick myself two years from now because I stopped my journey on a count of a lack of a million dollar bank account and private jet. I want to believe I'm less materialistic than that.
I've spent a lot of time lately trying the delve into the unconscious that is my consciousness to find what it is that will be my place. Who and what will I be to sustain a level head and a happy heart. I know it will involve music but will it involve me being a musician by trade? My latest trend has been to try and figure out what my constant has been all my life. I mean, generally speaking, I've been happy all my life, and there are some things, or perhaps, one thing that has kept that happiness thriving. A constant state of mind and being that has contributed to my self happiness. I figure if I can pin point exactly what that constant has been than I can focus in on things that develop that constant and in turn find a comfortable place in life.
My worry though, is I won't find one.
My worry is, I will find that I have attached myself to something completely new every 6 months and I have coasted by off the fumes of small individual highs. The research of my psyche, unfortunately, is beginning to reveal this. I have jumped ship from activity to activity, group to group, love to love, friends to friends so much and so fast that I find there to be a huge lacking of...consistency in my life. The only things that have been around since day one is a small flame for music, a handful of friends and my family. This could all explain why I have been craving my family as of late. I miss them something fierce these days. I'm without my constant.
So for now I need to find something to keep my mind off not having a constant. I need a goal. Which I'm also sort of lacking in. I never thought I would be upset about not having goals to achieve but it really is daunting. Just floating by day to day is exhausting and depressing! I need some goals that I'm passionate about and I need to find my constant.

Those are my "to do's" this week. I'm here for at least another year so why not do everything I can to work hard, accomplish as much as I can creatively and find all the things that I love the most. All the things I love to do that make me feel the most comfortable in my own skin.

Because if anything is constant, it's that.

These are the Nights on Which Dreams are Built...

These are the nights on which dreams are built,
as heat consumes my breath.
The thick night air can spark my mind,
a beating in my chest.

These are the nights on which dreams are built,
with winter fleeting past.
The cold of limitation hides,
while the sun sets late at last.

These are the nights on which dreams are built,
with jackets stowed away.
A murmur from the anxiousness,
of those throughout the day.

These are the nights on which dreams are built,
when nothing seems too hard.
No moments of uncertainty,
no shield and no sword.

These are the nights on which dreams are built,
the walk from town to town.
Mother earth reclaims her kin,
with blossom all around.

These are the nights on which dreams are built,
the fear of life, oppressed.
On nights like these we dance and sing,
in cotton and in dress.

These are the nights on which dreams are built,
the past can haunt with joy.
Friendly faces lit by fire,
youth amongst the noise.

These are the nights on which dreams are built,
we close our eyes and breathe.
Now open to right here, right now
a place we haven't seen
in many months.

These are the nights on which dreams are built,
we laugh and love and miss.
The evening brings a moonlit scene,
each hot with moisture's kiss.

These are the nights on which dreams are built,
and I have been here before.
My childhood is woven tight,
with springtimes loving lore.

Blessed are these nights of dream,
where freedom has no guilt.
Close your eyes and fall in love,
on this night when dreams are built.


..i love summer

Oh Drat, Recycle That...

Well... It's official. I'm a hippie.

It took an honest concern for recycling efforts, the tireless search for organic clothing and the all day quest for local artisan print shops to make me truly realize it. And yet, I have never been so proud of a title!
I'll be honest. I once sat on the hillside and watched as peaceful soldiers warred against industry and environmental stability. I had zero intent of ever becoming involved. I figured the world was far too large for my hand to have any impact. And maybe in a small north western ontario city it didn't. But being in the heart of industrialism and the desolation of human-nature contact has become an eye opening blessing for me and has forced me to become involved, no matter how small an impact.
All my life I've expressed my want to change the world, and yet, I never targeted the earth itself as something to change. Strange how that is.
I guess, contributing also, is my constant surrounding of creatives and artisans. Who all think, feel, breathe, eat, sleep, and voice the same ideals! Community is uber important! The environment should be fixed and CAN be fixed! Peace and love CAN exist in humanity! AND! we all don't get paid enough... among other things.

In any case, it's a beautiful movement being involved in all this. Whether the change is huge, it's significant enough to change my lifestyle and that's big enough for me right now.

With my mind wandering to new places of opinions and critical thought, I have managed to strike up a peculiar amount of serious conversations about the world these days, with many different people. Where I differ from most traditional hippies, however, seems to lie in my absolute fascination and belief in what technology is doing to change our world.
A fair amount of people claim technology to be the rival. Too many cars, too much internet, too many cell phones, not enough real communication, so on and so forth. And yet I beg to differ.
Whenever someone challenges me with that I ask them why. Why is it so bad that we have internet? Why is it bad to have a fast means of transportation? Why is it bad to have available contact all the time?
The most common example. Cell phones. Or smart phones in particular. A lot of people will argue that they are deteriorating the memory of our generation. No one remembers things any more, they just find it. But why is this a bad thing? Why is it better for me to spend years and years of my life memorizing facts when instead I can have the world knowledge in my hand. I can find any answer, solve any conundrum, build anything, find anything... Live better? I'd sure say so. Instead of going to university for 7 years, teach yourself skills that you adore and put them to use. Spend time talking to people and growing with your community instead of cooped up studying or in structured classes. Start clubs and organizations that encourage creativity and passions. It is a HUGE opportunity that many people look negatively towards because it's been such a fast change. If you ever want me to rant about how exciting something is, ask me about smart phones. I could go on forever.

Because things changed so quickly with technology, people didn't have time to adjust. So we now sit thinking, "only 5 years ago I had to walk to my friends house to talk to them!" and you are threatened by all this new stuff happening so fast. Yet, if we open our minds to how fast it's moving and how much unbelievable potential it has. We may be able to see a lighter side to things.
There are a ton of technologies right now that are soooo advanced in a crazy cataclysmic way! There was a bit of a stumble at the start line with technology. The people with money invested in technology to make more money. So most of what technology became was destructive. But now, with technology being accessible to nearly the entire globe. The earth is catching up in the race! People are developing such life changing ideas that I have given all my faith to a world run by technologies. Man and machine are now shifting to restore the earth back to its stable setting. And the faster we ALL get on board, the faster these things will change, and the faster things like pollution and clear-cutting, and mountain-top mining, and starvation will become eradicated from our world. Sounds pretty good to me. Sounds like something worth investigating.

I'm almost certain I could write a book with how passionate I have become about this stuff! I'd call it, "Man and Machine: An Uneducated, Passionate Rant"

All in all, do me a favour and spend some time checking out these websites. (organizations and ideas provided by the internet. The best thing EVER)

Jason Mraz knows what I be sayin:
http://freshnessfactorfivethousand.blogspot.com/

Hate junk mail? Save some trees!
http://www.41pounds.org/savetreesvideo/default.asp

Trees = You being a alive. Take a friggen second for em! Oh and CHECK out their partnerships!
http://www.treesftf.org/about.htm

What happens when you recycle? FIND OUT YO!
http://www.explorethecycle.com/

If we can do this, we can do ANYTHING!
http://www.wired.com/gadgetlab/2010/04/towel-folding-robot-could-fix-laundry-woes/

Extremist Group but Pretty interesting Ideas:
http://www.thevenusproject.com/