Constantly in the Darkness, Where's That At?

Identity is a hard thing to come by.

I'm not talking about individualism. I think that comes quite naturally. But instead, to have an identity that's your own. To have more than just an image, but a presence that is yours.
I guess everyone by default has an identity. Where the struggle lies is in finding the one you are in tune with.
I've always struggled with an identity. I've been so interested in so many things that it's taken away my ability to develop a single, strong identity. I've been spread so thin, across so many mediums that to consider myself one solid structure of mind and soul would be impossible. At least at this point in my life.
The search for passion and identity have revealed themselves to me as being identical quests. I've been under the impression that my journey has been to seek out my passion and the activities I love. But in reality, the search has been for the person I am passionate being.

Am I most in love while playing music, or while being a musician?

I think this ultimate question has altered my view on where I stand in life. I've given a year of my life to following a passion of mine. It has been a year of absolute extremes. I have been the happiest I have ever been in my life, and also the saddest. I have played shows and been enamoured, I have worked hard and been exhausted.
What bothers me however, while I sit here on my approximate one year anniversary of moving to Toronto, is that something is still missing inside me. Pursuing music hasn't filled the void of creativity I figured it would.
I'm doing everything in my power to make sure that the void I am feeling isn't just a void for international success (because clearly that hasn't happened) but an emotional void. I don't want to kick myself two years from now because I stopped my journey on a count of a lack of a million dollar bank account and private jet. I want to believe I'm less materialistic than that.
I've spent a lot of time lately trying the delve into the unconscious that is my consciousness to find what it is that will be my place. Who and what will I be to sustain a level head and a happy heart. I know it will involve music but will it involve me being a musician by trade? My latest trend has been to try and figure out what my constant has been all my life. I mean, generally speaking, I've been happy all my life, and there are some things, or perhaps, one thing that has kept that happiness thriving. A constant state of mind and being that has contributed to my self happiness. I figure if I can pin point exactly what that constant has been than I can focus in on things that develop that constant and in turn find a comfortable place in life.
My worry though, is I won't find one.
My worry is, I will find that I have attached myself to something completely new every 6 months and I have coasted by off the fumes of small individual highs. The research of my psyche, unfortunately, is beginning to reveal this. I have jumped ship from activity to activity, group to group, love to love, friends to friends so much and so fast that I find there to be a huge lacking of...consistency in my life. The only things that have been around since day one is a small flame for music, a handful of friends and my family. This could all explain why I have been craving my family as of late. I miss them something fierce these days. I'm without my constant.
So for now I need to find something to keep my mind off not having a constant. I need a goal. Which I'm also sort of lacking in. I never thought I would be upset about not having goals to achieve but it really is daunting. Just floating by day to day is exhausting and depressing! I need some goals that I'm passionate about and I need to find my constant.

Those are my "to do's" this week. I'm here for at least another year so why not do everything I can to work hard, accomplish as much as I can creatively and find all the things that I love the most. All the things I love to do that make me feel the most comfortable in my own skin.

Because if anything is constant, it's that.