A Lot Can Change - Fighting Cancer

I was speaking with a good friend of mine just the other day and he said to me "You ever have those times in your life where, over the course of maybe 2-3 months, or say 6 months, you change more than you have in your entire life?" I smiled and nodded. Knowing that those major transitions had BEEN my life since I was young. I responded by telling him "My friend, I've changed more in the past two weeks than I have in my entire life"

I love change. I embrace and worship change. Any opportunity to re-evaluate who I am and what I stand for is intriguing and engaging for me. So yah, I've come across a few moments in my life where I've looked at my situation and sculpted a new, more centred, more understanding individual within myself. I think it's been the catalyst for the growth of my soul. I know it has.

About four weeks ago I was diagnosed with cancer. Although the cat has whispered through the bag already I figured I would publicly post this to calm any concerned minds. It's a scary thing to say out loud but what I've come to realize is it's an even scarier thing for people to hear while far away. The cancer I've acquired however is controllable and, if one had to get any kind, it's a kind that can be treated quite well. Success rates are very positive and treatment is not intolerable.
So nobody worry for me from afar. If you were near, you'd see my high spirits and my comfort with the entire thing. Most days I feel like a regular Joe (who watches a lot of movies and plays a lot of video games)

Getting the news was a strange moment for me. The doctor who had to tell us was ready for the family breakdown. It was my parents and I, sitting in a screened off section of emergency, waiting to hear whether or not my blood work showed cancerous cells (the type of cancer I've gotten is called Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acute_lymphoblastic_leukemia)
I could tell the doctor was nervous. He was new, and stumbled over most of what he said, delicate not to be insensitive, but trying to act his part as the professional. When he confirmed their findings I'm sure he was surprised to see our family take it fairly calmly. Little did he know he was sitting with the Matthews family. Little rattles us. We simply said "Well, alright then. What now?" Taken aback he continued to try and provide comfort but I'm sure he was relieved.

I didn't care to be emotional regarding it. That's what you'll find to be the reoccurring theme throughout this blog. The lack of emotion - at least in regards to the cancer itself. I wasn't scared, nor did I immediately think of death or any of that Hollywood hub-bub. I felt completely plutonic towards the disease, as though I had just been told I had a mean fever and we were gonna give you some pills for it. Just another sickness to fight off. I don't know if this is a quality that I posses or it is how most people take this kind of news? It was much easier though. I was too young to envision something like this taking my life; that wasn't even an option. And even if treatment sucked it couldn't be any worse than when I got my wisdom teeth out or fought off other crazy infections I'd had as a child. I would follow the doctors instructions, go through some crazy tests and maybe even surgeries, then I'd be back on the road. That's what I knew. That's what I know. There's no other options to even entertain really. I'm 22! I have waaaaaaay to many things to screw up still and discover. This was just a speed bump to pass over. Reaffirm some beliefs and move on. That's how I saw it, and still see it as we speak.

The next week or two was spent hooked up to IV after IV helping my body recover from all the infections I had developed while ignoring the signs of my condition - lol (p.s. if you ever feel off...just go get some work done. Why not just do it!? We're such a stubborn species)
It was during this time that I was introduced to so many experiences that I care not to mention them all. Some too personal to reveal, some too spiritual to make sense of. It was this lying alone in a hospital bed, staring at a wall, feeling my body fight with everything it had, that allowed me to undergo constant and immense self-analyzation and self-realization. A moment in my life that I'll forever view as an opportunity opposed to an unfortunate event.

Where I began to get emotional was in the out pouring of support. I would receive letters and emails from friends and family of whom I hadn't spoken in years. Even to have someone who I would consider an acquaintance, no, nearly a stranger, send a message saying they spend a moment each day praying for me was so powerful to me. I'm a strong believer in the power of thought and to know that individuals were taking a second from their busy days to stop and think about my well being nearly brought me to tears. It's an incredible gesture and to all who spent the time for me I am forever in your gratitude. Your love was most definitely felt and it inspired me to stay happy during the hardest of days. It was such a powerful, beautiful gift to be cared for from all over the country. Even the world. I had forgotten about so many incredible individuals I had met throughout my life, all of whom I wish I could gather together and have a giant celebration for!
I don't know who said it but there is that quote that mentions gauging your life based on the type of people you've surrounded yourself with. My life is full of the worlds greatest people. I can confidently say that. I am lucky enough to be friends and be loved by some of the kindest, most caring, most generous lovely people in the world. All of this has given me so much hope for the state of all of us. It is a shame it takes some bad news to encourage the outpouring but at least I am now aware that the flood gate exists. The world is full of wonderful people, don't ever think twice about that fact. If you need a friend or a kind shoulder, they are out there. I promise you.

In any case, I wished not to make this blog too long. I simply wanted to make certain my situation to those who hadn't heard, and to also express my deepest love towards everyone in my life. Yes, everyone I've ever met who has helped shape who I am. This is a battle that I must take on and I am glad for it. It has given me the opportunity to focus on positivity each and every day. It's allowed me to spend the time appreciating those in my life including my incredible family and friends. It's given me the chance to slow down life for a moment and really discover what's important and where I want to go.
It's given me the chance to conquer something. Something that had taken my life from my hands, and now I get to take it back. A liberating moment that I am blessed to experience.

Treatment has been going perfectly to plan. I am young and have a healthy body so it fights valiantly and successfully.

Thank you again to everyone who has supported me and spent time for me. A million thank yous. I look forward to seeing everyone and handing out some fierce hugs!

I'll let you know when I'm cancer free and taking over the world once more :)

Cheers & love,
Isaac Matthews

Some Important Things...

It's funny how some things don't make sense until a certain point in life... I don't know if it's just me but I've had countless experiences when a quote that has been drilled into my head since birth, suddenly makes perfect sense to me. As though it's the first time I've ever heard this revolutionary statement. The biggest ones for me are the most common ones; Distance makes the heart grow fonder, Live everyday as though it's your last, Money isn't everything, etc etc etc. Those famous lines that you hear all the time and brush off. Until it just hits you. Maybe adults aren't as naive as I thought. Of course their not, but you can't blame someone for not listening to you if they have no idea what your talking about. It would be like me trying to explain how great something tastes to someone. Sure they hear me, but they won't really listen or understand until they sink their teeth into it. And to be honest, I listen quite a lot to my elders. I truly do try and sympathize with the advice their giving me. I respect their opinions and know they've lived a life I don't know much about. I think that's why the life lessons are so profound to me. When I've heard repetitious warnings over and over and yet, as soon as it applies to my life, it all ACTUALLY makes sense. Just a thought... Gosh has it been a while since I've blogged. If you are one to follow my life based on my blogging than you have missed quite a lot. (My fault I know) My last blog was one of lack luster hope, but hope none the less. Turns out I wasn't destined for Toronto for another year. Things came up, I left. Now living in Edmonton. Long story. Won't get into details. This whole experience has been a.. different one. I have certainly changed a great deal, and I believe I'm truly starting to make concrete my foundation of beliefs and standards. One by one all of the advice the adults in my life have lent me is forming building blocks of personal structure. I guess that's why these same old quotes have stuck around for years and years. It's not often that incorrect information sticks around for that long (except maybe when it comes to politics) so I best be taking note of it. As mentioned before however, there is only so much credit I can give advice I have yet to experience. I have to witness and work it out in my own mind for it to apply and I'm grateful for that. I do rather enjoy living. It's like a giant puzzle. Different pieces fitting themselves together. Discovering new things about the world and yourself. Figuring out mental mysteries and coming to sincere conclusions. It's very entertaining. Sometimes exhausting, but entertaining none the less. Most important things I've learned since my move: Patience. My oh my did patience and I not get along. My wrestle with patience was completely due to fiery, uncalculated, young-buck-ism. It was my own personal fuck you to the system. I was positive I could live my life as fast as possible. Get everything done quickly. Learn as much, do as much, and be the best at so much in short amounts of time. (Just ask my grade 4 teacher, Ms.Purdon. It was on more than one occasion that she told me to slow down on tests) I don't know where this mentality came from. Maybe it was my cry of mediocrity? If I always finished first I would stand out (The actual mark didn't matter) Or perhaps it was dawned when I first let the phrase "We only live once" really sink in. From that day on I promised myself I would try and experience EVERYTHING life had to offer. Because I did, after all, only have one go. So rushing through everything was the only way to accomplish this. Was I ever wrong. And I'll openly admit my mistake on this one. Patience might be the most beautiful, necessary thing in life. And god are their countless "patience is virtue" quotes that I've condescended over the years. No longer. Patience is my new goal and my new project. I have 21 years of brain re-wiring to do but I'll get there. Incredible things are accomplished with patience. Life is long, let it be so. This one virtue will most likely be the one I drill into my children's head one day. Money. Guess what everyone? Money ISN'T everything. Profound eh? Right now I feel like I'm the first who's ever said that. I won't go into heavy details about money because it's boring but, long story short. I've hung out with people who have no money, and I've hung out with people who have tons of money. The beautiful irony to it is: Both parties are equally in debt. Yet the people who never had money don't work nearly as hard (against their will), and seem a lot more free. Sure their house isn't as nice and they don't have 3 cars, 2 quads and a butler, but who needs it. Also, if they were to lose everything that day, they wouldn't lose a whole lot. As opposed to those with a whole lot. Wait, wait, wait.... The bigger they are the harder they fall? The more you have, the more you have to loose? Dammit. Another moment of repeated truth. Things don't matter. I moved out here to make more money. Funny thing is, the more money I made the less I wanted stuff. I found more satisfaction in working hard and accomplishing my job than I did the spoils of such. Which, to me, was a HUGE ground breaking moment in my growth. I have developed a seriously new outlook on working hard and following through. It's almost liberating actually. Finally, Company. Life is about socialization. The greatest achievements of man kind have been developed and accomplished through cooperation. As will the next greatest things. I also moved out here because I missed my family and I missed being social with them. Problem was, I didn't try and be social in Toronto. I tried to be lone wolf, and convinced myself that picking up the phone and calling someone didn't count as socializing. Once again, my bad. Phone calls are a heck of a lot of fun! So is Skype and things of the like. I also didn't think I had any good friends in Toronto, yet, now sitting here in Edmonton, I'm missing people who I didn't even make effort to hang out with! How CRAZY is that?! I was on a mission to make myself unhappy it seems. I've tried to determine why, and can't give you a good answer. I don't think I knew I was doing it. So if I may give some advice as a closing statement. Too all those younger than I, respect your seniors ;) and to all those older, make sure I'm getting this right. Take time in life. Life is long and beautiful and the more you rush the more you miss. Don't let life become routine, find something new and wonderful in each day. It's there if you actively seek it. Don't feel discouraged if it takes you a while to accomplish something. Do you think the golden gate bridge was built over night? (Dammit! That one too?!) You can have a lot of fun slowing things down and breathing. If we only live once, why rush it? Make it last. Let go of things. Stuff is nice and getting things is fun, but they are a million times more rewarding if you have worked hard for them. Treat yourself for accomplishing things and find wealth and value in the work you do. Achievement is more valuable than the prize. Heck achievement IS the prize. The prize is just the memento. Like the shot glass you buy on your trip to mexico that says "I got really drunk in Mexico" on the side. I'd imagine the winner of a gold medal in the olympics doesn't remember the piece of metal on the mantle, they remember the experience and feeling of winning, no? Socialize. Be friendly and make friends. I like to believe that everyone on earth enjoys having a friend and making friends. Embrace those who have come into your life and find value in them. A lot of them have done some pretty interesting things. Sit down, have a chat, see a show, find company. Being alone only lasts long. Laughing at my own jokes isn't as fun as having other people around to pretend to laugh at my jokes. Now I don't imagine you will all sit here, read this blog and have a profound awakening. I don't expect you to. The reason this all means so much to me is because it has presented itself to me when I was willing and ready to listen. I can say confidently though that your time will come. You'll experience something in life and then all of a sudden "One in the hand is worth two in the bush" will become your new life philosophy! (What does that even mean?) Just know that when it happens, your parents told you so, so give them their proper dues. Sometimes they actually know what their talking about it seems. Whoda thunk?! To all those who have tried to teach me a lesson, I thank you dearly. Whether I listened at the time or not. I'll eventually discover what you meant and thoroughly appreciate your wisdom and guidance. I guess that's it for now. A lot of re-wiring on the go. Pretty pumped. But don't worry... This may take a while.