One Life Dream

A Lot Can Change - Fighting Cancer

2011-10-27T08:01:00.003-04:00

I was speaking with a good friend of mine just the other day and he said to me "You ever have those times in your life where, over the course of maybe 2-3 months, or say 6 months, you change more than you have in your entire life?" I smiled and nodded. Knowing that those major transitions had BEEN my life since I was young. I responded by telling him "My friend, I've changed more in the past two weeks than I have in my entire life"

I love change. I embrace and worship change. Any opportunity to re-evaluate who I am and what I stand for is intriguing and engaging for me. So yah, I've come across a few moments in my life where I've looked at my situation and sculpted a new, more centred, more understanding individual within myself. I think it's been the catalyst for the growth of my soul. I know it has.

About four weeks ago I was diagnosed with cancer. Although the cat has whispered through the bag already I figured I would publicly post this to calm any concerned minds. It's a scary thing to say out loud but what I've come to realize is it's an even scarier thing for people to hear while far away. The cancer I've acquired however is controllable and, if one had to get any kind, it's a kind that can be treated quite well. Success rates are very positive and treatment is not intolerable.
So nobody worry for me from afar. If you were near, you'd see my high spirits and my comfort with the entire thing. Most days I feel like I regular Joe (who watches a lot of movies and plays a lot of video games)

Getting the news was a strange moment for me. The doctor who had to tell us was ready for the family breakdown. It was my parents and I, sitting in a screened off section of emergency, waiting to hear whether or not my blood work showed cancerous cells (the type of cancer I've gotten is called Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acute_lymphoblastic_leukemia)
I could tell the doctor was nervous. He was new, and stumbled over most of what he said, delicate not to be insensitive, but trying to act his part as the professional. When he confirmed their findings I'm sure he was surprised to see our family take it fairly calmly. Little did he know he was sitting with the Matthews family. Little rattles us. We simply said "Well, alright then. What now?" Taken aback he continued to try and provide comfort but I'm sure he was relieved.

I didn't care to be emotional regarding it. That's what you'll find to be the reoccurring theme throughout this blog. The lack of emotion - at least in regards to the cancer itself. I wasn't scared, nor did I immediately think of death or any of that Hollywood hub-bub. I felt completely plutonic towards the disease, as though I had just been told I had a mean fever and we were gonna give you some pills for it. Just another sickness to fight off. I don't know if this is a quality that I posses or it is how most people take this kind of news? It was much easier though. I was too young to envision something like this taking my life; that wasn't even an option. And even if treatment sucked it couldn't be any worse then when I got my wisdom teeth out or fought off other crazy infections I'd had as a child. I would follow the doctors instructions, go through some crazy tests and maybe even surgeries, then I'd be back on the road. That's what I knew. That's what I know. There's no other options to even entertain really. I'm 22! I have waaaaaaay to many things to screw up still and discover. This was just a speed bump to pass over. Reaffirm some beliefs and move on. That's how I saw it, and still see it as we speak.

The next week or two was spent hooked up to IV after IV helping my body recover from all the infections I had developed while ignoring the signs of my condition - lol (p.s. if you ever feel off...just go get some work done. Why not just do it!? We're such a stubborn species)
It was during this time that I was introduced to so many experiences that I care not to mention them all. Some too personal to reveal, some too spiritual to make sense of. It was this lying alone in a hospital bed, staring at a wall, feeling my body fight with everything it had, that allowed me to undergo constant and immense self-analyzation and self-realization. A moment in my life that I'll forever view as an opportunity opposed to an unfortunate event.

Where I began to get emotional was in the out pouring of support. I would receive letters and emails from friends and family of whom I hadn't spoken in years. Even to have someone who I would consider an acquaintance, no nearly a stranger, send a message saying they spend a moment each day praying for me was so powerful to me. I'm a strong believer in the power of thought and to know that individuals were taking a second from their busy days to stop and think about my well being nearly brought me to tears. It's an incredible gesture and to all who spent the time for me I am forever in your gratitude. Your love was most definitely felt and it inspired me to stay happy during the hardest of days. It was such a powerful, beautiful gift to be cared for from all over the country. Even the world. I had forgotten about so many incredible individuals I had met throughout my life, all of whom I wish I could gather together and have a giant celebration for!
I don't know who said it but there is that quote that mentions gauging your life based on the type of people you've surrounded yourself with. My life is full of the worlds greatest people. I can confidently say that. I am lucky enough to be friends and be loved by some of the kindest, most caring, most generous lovely people in the world. All of this has given me so much hope for the state of all of us. It is a shame it takes some bad news to encourage the outpouring but at least I am now aware that the flood gate exists. The world is full of wonderful people, don't ever think twice about that fact. If you need a friend or a kind shoulder, they are out there. I promise you.

In any case, I wished not to make this blog too long. I simply wanted to make certain my situation to those who hadn't heard, and to also express my deepest love towards everyone in my life. Yes, everyone I've ever met who has helped shape who I am. This is a battle that I must take on and I am glad for it. It has given me the opportunity to focus on positivity each and every day. It's allowed me to spend the time appreciating those in my life including my incredible family and friends. It's given me the chance to slow down life for a moment and really discover what's important and where I want to go.
It's given me the chance to conquer something. Something that had taken my life from my hands, and now I get to take it back. A liberating moment that I am blessed to experience.

Treatment has been going perfectly to plan. I am young and have a healthy body so it fights valiantly and successfully.

Thank you again to everyone who has supported me and spent time for me. A million thank yous. I look forward to seeing everyone and handing out some fierce hugs!

I'll let you know when I'm cancer free and taking over the world once more :)

Cheers & love,
Isaac Matthews

Some Important Things...

2011-01-24T14:41:00.004-05:00

It's funny how some things don't make sense until a certain point in life...

I don't know if it's just me but I've had countless experiences when a quote that has been drilled into my head since birth, suddenly makes perfect sense to me. As though it's the first time I've ever heard this revolutionary statement.
The biggest ones for me are the most common ones; Distance makes the heart grow fonder, Live everyday as though it's your last, Money isn't everything, etc etc etc. Those famous lines that you hear all the time and brush off. Until it just hits you.

Maybe adults aren't as naive as I thought. Of course their not, but you can't blame someone for not listening to you if they have no idea what your talking about. It would be like me trying to explain how great something tastes to someone. Sure they hear me, but they won't really listen or understand until they sink their teeth into it.

And to be honest, I listen quite a lot to my elders. I truly do try and sympathize with the advice their giving me. I respect their opinions and know they've lived a life I don't know much about. I think that's why the life lessons are so profound to me. When I've heard repetitious warnings over and over and yet, as soon as it applies to my life, it all ACTUALLY makes sense.

Just a thought...

Gosh has it been a while since I've blogged. If you are one to follow my life based on my blogging than you have missed quite a lot. (My fault I know) My last blog was one of lack luster hope, but hope none the less. Turns out I wasn't destined for Toronto for another year. Things came up, I left. Now living in Edmonton. Long story. Won't get into details.

This whole experience has been a.. different one. I have certainly changed a great deal, and I believe I'm truly starting to make concrete my foundation of beliefs and standards. One by one all of the advice the adults in my life have lent me is forming building blocks of personal structure. I guess that's why these same old quotes have stuck around for years and years. It's not often that incorrect information sticks around for that long (except maybe when it comes to politics) so I best be taking note of it. As mentioned before however, there is only so much credit I can give advice I have yet to experience. I have to witness and work it out in my own mind for it to apply and I'm grateful for that.

I do rather enjoy living. It's like a giant puzzle. Different pieces fitting themselves together. Discovering new things about the world and yourself. Figuring out mental mysteries and coming to sincere conclusions. It's very entertaining. Sometimes exhausting, but entertaining none the less.

Most important things I've learned since my move:

Patience.
My oh my did patience and I not get along. My wrestle with patience was completely due to fiery, uncalculated, young-buck-ism. It was my own personal fuck you to the system. I was positive I could live my life as fast as possible. Get everything done quickly. Learn as much, do as much, and be the best at so much in short amounts of time. (Just ask my grade 4 teacher, Ms.Purdon. It was on more than one occasion that she told me to slow down on tests) I don't know where this mentality came from. Maybe it was my cry of mediocrity? If I always finished first I would stand out (The actual mark didn't matter) Or perhaps it was dawned when I first let the phrase "We only live once" really sink in. From that day on I promised myself I would try and experience EVERYTHING life had to offer. Because I did, after all, only have one go. So rushing through everything was the only way to accomplish this.
Was I ever wrong. And I'll openly admit my mistake on this one. Patience might be the most beautiful, necessary thing in life. And god are their countless "patience is virtue" quotes that I've condescended over the years. No longer. Patience is my new goal and my new project. I have 21 years of brain re-wiring to do but I'll get there. Incredible things are accomplished with patience. Life is long, let it be so.
This one virtue will most likely be the one I drill into my children's head one day.

Money.
Guess what everyone? Money ISN'T everything. Profound eh? Right now I feel like I'm the first who's ever said that. I won't go into heavy details about money because it's boring but, long story short. I've hung out with people who have no money, and I've hung out with people who have tons of money.
The beautiful irony to it is:
Both parties are equally in debt. Yet the people who never had money don't work nearly as hard (against their will), and seem a lot more free. Sure their house isn't as nice and they don't have 3 cars, 2 quads and a butler, but who needs it. Also, if they were to loose everything that day, they wouldn't loose a whole lot. As opposed to those with a whole lot. Wait, wait, wait.... The bigger they are the harder they fall? The more you have, the more you have to loose? Dammit. Another moment of repeated truth.
Things don't matter.
I moved out here to make more money. Funny thing is, the more money I made the less I wanted stuff. I found more satisfaction in working hard and accomplishing my job than I did the spoils of such. Which, to me, was a HUGE ground breaking moment in my growth. I have developed a seriously new outlook on working hard and following through. It's almost liberating actually.

Finally, Company.
Life is about socialization. The greatest achievements of man kind have been developed and accomplished through cooperation. As will the next greatest things. I also moved out here because I missed my family and I missed being social with them. Problem was, I didn't try and be social in Toronto. I tried to be lone wolf, and convinced myself that picking up the phone and calling someone didn't count as socializing. Once again, my bad. Phone calls are a heck of a lot of fun! So is Skype and things of the like. I also didn't think I had any good friends in Toronto, yet, now sitting here in Edmonton, I'm missing people who I didn't even make effort to hang out with! How CRAZY is that?! I was on a mission to make myself unhappy it seems. I've tried to determine why, and can't give you a good answer. I don't think I knew I was doing it.

So if I may give some advice as a closing statement. Too all those younger than I, respect your seniors ;) and to all those older, make sure I'm getting this right.

Take time in life. Life is long and beautiful and the more you rush the more you miss. Don't let life become routine, find something new and wonderful in each day. It's there if you actively seek it. Don't feel discouraged if it takes you a while to accomplish something. Do you think the golden gate bridge was built over night? (Dammit! That one too?!) You can have a lot of fun slowing things down and breathing. If we only live once, why rush it? Make it last.

Let go of things. Stuff is nice and getting things is fun, but they are a million times more rewarding if you have worked hard for them. Treat yourself for accomplishing things and find wealth and value in the work you do. Achievement is more valuable than the prize. Heck achievement IS the prize. The prize is just the memento. Like the shot glass you buy on your trip to mexico that says "I got really drunk in Mexico" on the side. I'd imagine the winner of a gold medal in the olympics doesn't remember the piece of metal on the mantle, they remember the experience and feeling of winning, no?

Socialize. Be friendly and make friends. I like to believe that everyone on earth enjoys having a friend and making friends. Embrace those who have come into your life and find value in them. A lot of them have done some pretty interesting things. Sit down, have a chat, see a show, find company. Being alone only lasts long. Laughing at my own jokes isn't as fun as having other people around to pretend to laugh at my jokes.

Now I don't imagine you will all sit here, read this blog and have a profound awakening. I don't expect you to. The reason this all means so much to me is because it has presented itself to me when I was willing and ready to listen. I can say confidently though that your time will come. You'll experience something in life and then all of a sudden "One in the hand is worth two in the bush" will become your new life philosophy! (What does that even mean?) Just know that when it happens, your parents told you so, so give them their proper dues. Sometimes they actually know what their talking about it seems. Whoda thunk?!

To all those who have tried to teach me a lesson, I thank you dearly. Whether I listened at the time or not. I'll eventually discover what you meant and thoroughly appreciate your wisdom and guidance.

I guess that's it for now. A lot of re-wiring on the go. Pretty pumped. But don't worry... This may take a while.

Constantly in the Darkness, Where's That At?

2010-09-20T19:59:00.000-04:00

Identity is a hard thing to come by.

I'm not talking about individualism. I think that comes quite naturally. But instead, to have an identity that's your own. To have more than just an image, but a presence that is yours.
I guess everyone by default has an identity. Where the struggle lies is in finding the one you are in tune with.
I've always struggled with an identity. I've been so interested in so many things that it's taken away my ability to develop a single, strong identity. I've been spread so thin, across so many mediums that to consider myself one solid structure of mind and soul would be impossible. At least at this point in my life.
The search for passion and identity have revealed themselves to me as being identical quests. I've been under the impression that my journey has been to seek out my passion and the activities I love. But in reality, the search has been for the person I am passionate being.

Am I most in love while playing music, or while being a musician?

I think this ultimate question has altered my view on where I stand in life. I've given a year of my life to following a passion of mine. It has been a year of absolute extremes. I have been the happiest I have ever been in my life, and also the saddest. I have played shows and been enamoured, I have worked hard and been exhausted.
What bothers me however, while I sit here on my approximate one year anniversary of moving to Toronto, is that something is still missing inside me. Pursuing music hasn't filled the void of creativity I figured it would.
I'm doing everything in my power to make sure that the void I am feeling isn't just a void for international success (because clearly that hasn't happened) but an emotional void. I don't want to kick myself two years from now because I stopped my journey on a count of a lack of a million dollar bank account and private jet. I want to believe I'm less materialistic than that.
I've spent a lot of time lately trying the delve into the unconscious that is my consciousness to find what it is that will be my place. Who and what will I be to sustain a level head and a happy heart. I know it will involve music but will it involve me being a musician by trade? My latest trend has been to try and figure out what my constant has been all my life. I mean, generally speaking, I've been happy all my life, and there are some things, or perhaps, one thing that has kept that happiness thriving. A constant state of mind and being that has contributed to my self happiness. I figure if I can pin point exactly what that constant has been than I can focus in on things that develop that constant and in turn find a comfortable place in life.
My worry though, is I won't find one.
My worry is, I will find that I have attached myself to something completely new every 6 months and I have coasted by off the fumes of small individual highs. The research of my psyche, unfortunately, is beginning to reveal this. I have jumped ship from activity to activity, group to group, love to love, friends to friends so much and so fast that I find there to be a huge lacking of...consistency in my life. The only things that have been around since day one is a small flame for music, a handful of friends and my family. This could all explain why I have been craving my family as of late. I miss them something fierce these days. I'm without my constant.
So for now I need to find something to keep my mind off not having a constant. I need a goal. Which I'm also sort of lacking in. I never thought I would be upset about not having goals to achieve but it really is daunting. Just floating by day to day is exhausting and depressing! I need some goals that I'm passionate about and I need to find my constant.

Those are my "to do's" this week. I'm here for at least another year so why not do everything I can to work hard, accomplish as much as I can creatively and find all the things that I love the most. All the things I love to do that make me feel the most comfortable in my own skin.

Because if anything is constant, it's that.

These are the Nights on Which Dreams are Built...

2010-05-03T19:52:00.005-04:00

These are the nights on which dreams are built,
as heat consumes my breath.
The thick night air can spark my mind,
a beating in my chest.

These are the nights on which dreams are built,
with winter fleeting past.
The cold of limitation hides,
while the sun sets late at last.

These are the nights on which dreams are built,
with jackets stowed away.
A murmur from the anxiousness,
of those throughout the day.

These are the nights on which dreams are built,
when nothing seems too hard.
No moments of uncertainty,
no shield and no sword.

These are the nights on which dreams are built,
the walk from town to town.
Mother earth reclaims her kin,
with blossom all around.

These are the nights on which dreams are built,
the fear of life, oppressed.
On nights like these we dance and sing,
in cotton and in dress.

These are the nights on which dreams are built,
the past can haunt with joy.
Friendly faces lit by fire,
youth amongst the noise.

These are the nights on which dreams are built,
we close our eyes and breathe.
Now open to right here, right now
a place we haven't seen
in many months.

These are the nights on which dreams are built,
we laugh and love and miss.
The evening brings a moonlit scene,
each hot with moisture's kiss.

These are the nights on which dreams are built,
and I have been here before.
My childhood is woven tight,
with springtimes loving lore.

Blessed are these nights of dream,
where freedom has no guilt.
Close your eyes and fall in love,
on this night when dreams are built.

..i love summer

Oh Drat, Recycle That...

2010-04-08T18:19:00.007-04:00

Well... It's official. I'm a hippie.

It took an honest concern for recycling efforts, the tireless search for organic clothing and the all day quest for local artisan print shops to make me truly realize it. And yet, I have never been so proud of a title!
I'll be honest. I once sat on the hillside and watched as peaceful soldiers warred against industry and environmental stability. I had zero intent of ever becoming involved. I figured the world was far too large for my hand to have any impact. And maybe in a small north western ontario city it didn't. But being in the heart of industrialism and the desolation of human-nature contact has become an eye opening blessing for me and has forced me to become involved, no matter how small an impact.
All my life I've expressed my want to change the world, and yet, I never targeted the earth itself as something to change. Strange how that is.
I guess, contributing also, is my constant surrounding of creatives and artisans. Who all think, feel, breathe, eat, sleep, and voice the same ideals! Community is uber important! The environment should be fixed and CAN be fixed! Peace and love CAN exist in humanity! AND! we all don't get paid enough... among other things.

In any case, it's a beautiful movement being involved in all this. Whether the change is huge, it's significant enough to change my lifestyle and that's big enough for me right now.

With my mind wandering to new places of opinions and critical thought, I have managed to strike up a peculiar amount of serious conversations about the world these days, with many different people. Where I differ from most traditional hippies, however, seems to lie in my absolute fascination and belief in what technology is doing to change our world.
A fair amount of people claim technology to be the rival. Too many cars, too much internet, too many cell phones, not enough real communication, so on and so forth. And yet I beg to differ.
Whenever someone challenges me with that I ask them why. Why is it so bad that we have internet? Why is it bad to have a fast means of transportation? Why is it bad to have available contact all the time?
The most common example. Cell phones. Or smart phones in particular. A lot of people will argue that they are deteriorating the memory of our generation. No one remembers things any more, they just find it. But why is this a bad thing? Why is it better for me to spend years and years of my life memorizing facts when instead I can have the world knowledge in my hand. I can find any answer, solve any conundrum, build anything, find anything... Live better? I'd sure say so. Instead of going to university for 7 years, teach yourself skills that you adore and put them to use. Spend time talking to people and growing with your community instead of cooped up studying or in structured classes. Start clubs and organizations that encourage creativity and passions. It is a HUGE opportunity that many people look negatively towards because it's been such a fast change. If you ever want me to rant about how exciting something is, ask me about smart phones. I could go on forever.

Because things changed so quickly with technology, people didn't have time to adjust. So we now sit thinking, "only 5 years ago I had to walk to my friends house to talk to them!" and you are threatened by all this new stuff happening so fast. Yet, if we open our minds to how fast it's moving and how much unbelievable potential it has. We may be able to see a lighter side to things.
There are a ton of technologies right now that are soooo advanced in a crazy cataclysmic way! There was a bit of a stumble at the start line with technology. The people with money invested in technology to make more money. So most of what technology became was destructive. But now, with technology being accessible to nearly the entire globe. The earth is catching up in the race! People are developing such life changing ideas that I have given all my faith to a world run by technologies. Man and machine are now shifting to restore the earth back to its stable setting. And the faster we ALL get on board, the faster these things will change, and the faster things like pollution and clear-cutting, and mountain-top mining, and starvation will become eradicated from our world. Sounds pretty good to me. Sounds like something worth investigating.

I'm almost certain I could write a book with how passionate I have become about this stuff! I'd call it, "Man and Machine: An Uneducated, Passionate Rant"

All in all, do me a favour and spend some time checking out these websites. (organizations and ideas provided by the internet. The best thing EVER)

Jason Mraz knows what I be sayin:
http://freshnessfactorfivethousand.blogspot.com/

Hate junk mail? Save some trees!
http://www.41pounds.org/savetreesvideo/default.asp

Trees = You being a alive. Take a friggen second for em! Oh and CHECK out their partnerships!
http://www.treesftf.org/about.htm

What happens when you recycle? FIND OUT YO!
http://www.explorethecycle.com/

If we can do this, we can do ANYTHING!
http://www.wired.com/gadgetlab/2010/04/towel-folding-robot-could-fix-laundry-woes/

Extremist Group but Pretty interesting Ideas:
http://www.thevenusproject.com/

Me Oh, Me Oh, My....

2010-03-26T23:10:00.004-04:00

MY, my, my, it has been a while since I last blogged.

I could put the blame on many things from being too busy or being too tired or not being inspired enough to write, but tonight... I have zero excuses. I've been home sick too many days to not scribe at least a small fraction of my mind for an evening. I feel I owe that to myself. To my creativity and my growth.

I tell you. Over the past few weeks I have grown a fair amount. I've come to realize that I was a class A late bloomer. (Self discovery speaking) I was a goof off for a large part of my childhood years and I think I can begin to finally say I'm becoming a man. I always had images of who I wanted to be in my mind, but could never bring myself to being that person. Whether it be peer pressures or simply an honest ignorance, I could not act the way I wanted to. And no, I find no shame in admitting that later than at 18 years old. I was, and most definitely am, still a child in many aspects of my life. However I am slowly but surely making my way down the checklist of maturity and "me finding". At least I think so.

I've begun to develop in me an eternal calm about most things. I have been pretty stressed out as of late and I think that the sudden shock of me moving to a place like Toronto has instilled in me an ability to let go. It's only been discovered recently, but it's a great thing to have. I have spent a fair bit of time talking with people and observing people and it has let me truly find what the worst of community is and what the best of community is, and from that I've started shaping myself accordingly. A deep breath here and there helps me get centred and be at peace.

Yang. Whilst a wonderful sense of calm is created in my mind. I am finding I am beginning to HATE the pace at which this city runs because of it. A quick jaunt back to Thunder Bay always reminds me of this. People in this city are absolute robots, and I became one! Wake up, go to work, come home, go to bed. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. And yet, it seems to be the only way to get along in this town. If you stop for a moment you get bulldozed.

To close. With my path to self discovery becoming more and more beaten I am finding an honest love for...stopping. Stopping and appreciating. This city is very far from who and what I am and what I want to be. I am beginning to find that I am not a man of accomplishment but of experience. And what makes me know that is I am happy saying it. I can say I don't care to accomplish big things with a happy heart. Things and, possessions, and money are fleeting my heart. Life is becoming more and more a canvas for beautiful moments. I am back to breathing the air and tasting life.

How long can I stay behind the city scape? Who knows. But I am content for now. I can smile and live. I have found a routine I don't mind and that's alright with me. Take life as it comes and stop for the moments that count.

This was all a bit of a loose leafed rant but I always enjoy writing. Being creative in some way. My cough has kept me from singing so instead I write.

P.S. - What a beautiful and powerful obligation it is to be an artist and a creative. Blessed are all those with creativity bursting from their hearts. I have come to hold you all so dear to my heart. Mankind commends you as I commend you. Never be afraid of creativity. Do something and think something different each and every day.

I have woken up with this clarity a few times now. Lovely days those were... Lovely days indeed.

In Honesty and Creativity,

-Isaac

I HATE TO READ!!!

2010-01-24T23:32:00.007-05:00

I know, I know.

Any teacher who reads this blog will shutter at the title.

But hear me out before any comments are made towards my fierce statement.

I do enjoy... no, rather, I love and respect books, and writers, and all things literary. (I was actually a star reader in grade school) The whole premiss of taking in another's interpretation of fictional and non-fictional events is actually quite intriguing to me. It definitely broadens one's idea of things. Make your mind more universally charged. Finding the simplistic beauty of the way someone unfolds a story, or even a sentence or two. I get the hub-bub, I do.

And, to be honest, as of late, I have done everything in my power to become one of the literary types. Spending trips to and from work learning about omens in Egypt and taking an ear-opening, mind-blowing investigation into an obsession at the centre of human nature. Falling asleep imagining a small indian boy cast away in the ocean. My issue lies not within the context of the books! I crave adventure and knowledge, I do!

Ever since I was young I wanted to be a reader. I found the whole, introverted, tucked-away lifestyles of readers calming and captivating. Anyone who read seemed to have some extra knowledge of how the world worked and how language worked. They were far more suave and interesting than those who didn't read. It's like they all took a "beginning to read" course that went on to outline proper word edict and how to always sound smarter than someone whether or not you actually were. I wanted to be able to tell everyone that my desk rested on piles of books that I've read....twice. And I have my own library of novels that I can site and quote individually in appropriate conversation. But I always had an issue with finishing a novel...

And I finally realize why!

I'm FAR to damn interested in my own life to read anything! There are waaaaay to many incredible, amazing, magical, life-altering things happening right in front of me, all the time, for me to ever devote a significant amount of time to a book. I want to! Believe me I want to so badly! So many books have the ability to truly help you lead and see a better life. But man-oh-man, I can't make it through a book. Not to mention I have a wildly overactive imagination and that imagination is always backed by, "Anything that can be imagined can be created!" SO, on top of my interesting situations, AND my overactive imagination, I am actively creating my universe! And I personally think that feat needs some serious dedication and care. My universe is something I need to specially craft to my specifications! It's kind of a big deal.

I'll sit on the subway for an hour, open "Life of Pi" and begin reading about Pi's day to day activities in his fathers Zoo. How each day he wakes up, and begins his day by passing hippos and wild birds and zebras and lions. He goes on to describe the morning routines of each of these animals and the majestic beauty and precision each animal has.

That paragraph alone has now got me thinking about how incredible it would be to live in a zoo! I begin to hatch schemes and plans on how I would accomplish such a thing. Simultaneously I think about how I'd love to have my guitar with me right at that moment because the man sitting in front of me has a bongo. ** (see asterisk attachment at bottom)

Having my guitar seeds a new thought which then blossoms into the fact that having a guitar on a train would be fun, then the thought of trains brings me to thinking about how I've never ridden on a real train, then a real train brings me to thinking about traveling, and anyone who knows me well enough would know that if I were to be traveling, with trains, it would be through Ireland, and with my "where" now established I would interject with my previous theory on the joys of living in a zoo, and then, porously, I would devise a plan to have myself backpacking through Ireland, and offering zookeepers work for a week in exchange for room/board and an opportunity to experience a morning with the animals.

For some reason or another I'm 4 pages further in the book and have no idea what's going on in the story. But I've consciously decided that I'm going to backpack Ireland and follow through with said plan. And that was a simple example. Just imagine what happens when I read a book full of mysticism and adventure. One chapter takes me 3 weeks to finish!

Alas, my wound.

My life is a story of its own in need of thorough narration and poetry. I don't mean to ever dismember the thought of enjoying a good book, but I have far to much adventure and exploration to do in my own real life to spend time in another.

One day, when I've done everything I've ever imagined. Then... then will I sit down, and read away my days, filling in the blanks that I could not have done on my own, and creating new adventure for the days to come.

cheers,

** Bongo and hand drum players are, usually, the only musicians I would approach in a public setting and ask to jam with them. The reason being is that although I have a so called "creative feather dans mon chapeau" I still have very little knowledge of music theory and music playability. If I were to ask a trumpet player in the street to jam, he would most likely immediately begin to speak in music jargon, establishing such basics as the key of the following jam, whether it be played in a 4/4 time or a 4/8 time based on the projected audience of said jam, so on and so forth. Thus trumping (no slight pun intended) my ability to play whatsoever.)

Happy Best Year Ever...

2010-01-08T23:57:00.003-05:00

I've made it my ultimatum that 2010 will be the most successful, productive year of my life.

That being said, I've completely accepted the fact that with all of that teeming success comes oodles and oodles of struggle and turmoil. Thank you very much balance of the universe! Jerk.

New year resolutions include:

Staying organized (work, money, playing, practicing, staying in shape)

Slowly phasing out work at Apple for work on stages

Establishing a solid financial structure for savings

Begin work on 10,000 hours of practice on both guitar and vocals to master them both!

Document all creativity I can munger

Finish all my unfinished songs

Write many more songs

Be musically ready for the world by June ---> Have a HELLOVA summer!

Keep in touch with friends and family

Stay happy, stay healthy, stay productive.

I think that's a pretty solid list of things to do.

Ready, set, go world.

See you in 2011

Slowly but Surely the Winds Change...

2009-11-05T15:13:00.003-05:00

It boggles me what kinds of events can alter the perception of one's life. From small things like getting a good nights sleep, to much larger things such as being inspired to change your life. Every little event you experience effects the moments after that and, it turn, the moments after those moments.

I woke up yesterday mildly rested but in a good mood. As usual I rolled out of bed and checked my phone for messages/emails, had my breakfast, cleaned up the house somewhat. It was a normal mediocre day.

As the day slowed and the night drew I decided to get a little guitar playing in.

I've been watching concert DVD after concert DVD lately and my inspiration has been teeming.

I had the satisfaction of finally learning an intricate riff of Mr. John Mayer's (who's guitar licks are ones I've always avoided) and I was thus feeling confidant about playing.

As I drifted into my own material however, everything just felt terrible. The songs didn't feel right, I couldn't sing them properly, they didn't have the exciting success they once had.

I quickly realized my trouble, put the guitar down and said to myself "you have loved these songs in the past and will love them again, stop for now and try again another day."

So I did.

Today I woke up in the same fashion, completed the usual tasks and once dusk approached, I attempted, once more, my hand at my music.

This time however everything clicked. The songs felt perfect, I sang them clear and strong and after I was finished I thought, "hey this getting famous stuff won't be THAT hard!"

And now after reflecting on the past days events I wonder why.

Why is it that one day we can feel so bad about ourselves and the next feel confident and incredible? What was it about today that trumped yesterday? How can I syphon all of the positive vibes from today and have them every single day of my life!?

I guess thats what the journey of life is all about. Building your mind on pillars of joy. Planting seeds of positivity so the roots of your inner consciousness reach deep and strong, and the nature of thought grows bright and incredible. Having every bad end in good and every thought start with hope.

Once I train my mind to always think positive first, success will only be a decision away.

Life down in the big city is playing out perfectly. I am always doubting my accomplishments until I realize I've been here only two months and I am comfortable enough to be here forever.

The stresses of my work are calming down, ESPECIALLY with a new job prospect! Apple, the computer/artist HAVEN store, has offered me a job and I am thrilled to be taking it.

The double edge sword being that they are only offering part time work (but at higher pay I am certain it will add up to the same rent being paid capability)

Also I have met an incredible group of people at Future Shop so to quit that job will be heartbreaking.

But risks and leaps are what will propel me down here so it may have to be in the cards.

I love life. Each day I wake up and my blood pumps knowing I am pursuing something not only that I love, but that so many are scared to pursue. To accomplish what I've set out for will be monumental for who I am and what I have always believed in.

Never ever be afraid of life and living. Whether I succeed or not, these moments are the ones I will reflect on in my last days.

Thank you so much to those who broke status quo and pushed me to follow this. And also, thank you to any and every artist who has made it big. You are a living example, no more human than I, that success is but a decision away.

God bless,

-im

Let Us Change Our World....

2009-10-30T01:33:00.002-04:00

This blog will be short but possibly one of the most important blogs I'll write...

I watched a film today called Zeitgeist. It is an independent film created to illustrate the reality of the world we live in. It is a very, very powerful film and an incredible eye opener. I am recommending everyone I know to watch it.

I send this remark not so you will watch the film and agree with everything that is told, but instead that you will watch the film and ponder. Watch it with a friend and afterwards discuss the topics. I simply wish to ignite something inside everyone who reads this blog, that helps fuel change for our future.

There are two parts to this film and if you have the time I HIGHLY recommend watching both. They are full length documentaries so make sure you have the time to finish it fully.

They are strong stated and some things mentioned may be opposite to what you believe, and by golly thats what it's all about!

They focus mostly on the way the world is and is run now, and how, with a little bit of spit and vinegar, from us, the generations of today and tomorrow, we can make the world a truly incredible place to live. As of now however there is plenty of corruption. Corruption that I myself had been ignorant to until watching these films.

We are powerful, brilliant human beings and our nations can and should be united as one world.

Possibilities are endless if we avoid suppression. Renewable resources are at our fingertips and peace is so easily attained.

All of this will be illustrated in the films. I promise you they will make you think and what a beautiful thing it will be.

So I ask you, from the bottom of my little heart, find a friend, grab a delicious plate of cheesy nachos or other movie snack of sorts, sit down, and open your mind. Let yourself live fully and lets change the world. All of us together!

Films: http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com/

Information on the movement: http://www.thezeitgeistmovement.com/

Related Links http://www.thevenusproject.com/

-im

Incredible Reality....

2009-10-20T00:38:00.002-04:00

I find the best moments in life are the ones that reinforce ones aching, unmistakeable belief in something.

As I live each and every day I continually break down the complex nature that is our existence. Everyone does this in their own respect.

I'm at an odd place trying to write a blog about a feeling I don't quite understand however, so expect an unfocused jumble of random thought.

I'll begin with weekly physical updates.

I am at work probably more than I am consciously in my home. And although I should be more focused on my music, my job is far from terrible. I am tired by the end of my days but I am surviving. It is less that I am tired and bored by the ailments of full time work, but instead I find myself more frustrated and anxious that I am not spending these long days writing or singing or creating. My medium term plan is to work my butt off these next two months, bank some money to coast with, then slow down at work in the new year to get cracka-lackin on my music. I know this is me putting off my work, but I guess this is the beginnings of the struggling artist motif. There are sacrifices to be made and lessons to learn. The benefit will be mine when I truly understand the harder times.

Mentally I am slightly loosing it. As aforementioned I am often anxious and irritable due to my body doing one thing and my heart and mind focused on another. The long days have also put sleep depravation in the mix, but it is nothing compared to my Winnipeg insomnia so I appreciate what I get. I still miss home and my friends and family.

I haven't played guitar in quite some time now and that may be what's killing me the most. I know that as soon as I pick up my baby and we begin to breathe again I'll calm down. I need to book a show I think. Clean my veins of this full time work load of crap!

Well, to be honest, this blog began with intention to be poetic, insightful and pAssionate but within the 15 minutes of me updating how draining life can be, I've become quite tired. Since I work tomorrow I feel as though sleep would be an easier choice of roads.

My only fear is that the working mans world will suppress my creative spirit.

Here's to fighting the good battle.

cheers

-IM

Giant Rabbits and Home Style Visits....

2009-10-06T00:06:00.003-04:00

Thank the sweet divine mother of Jesus for this giant rabbit!

It, among countless other marvels of Canadian artwork, managed to realign this slowly de-railing train I called my enthusiasm for being here.

Nuit Blanche took place this weekend in Toronto and, might I say, it was astounding.

As I power walked down Queen West (Making up for miserably backed up TTC) I was greeted by barmy, living pieces of artwork at every corner. Locally filmed or animated shorts were being projected on building walls, tales of time travel were being told by dancers, in the streets were violinists, painters, sculptors, jugglers, street meat venders....... artists.

I stopped for a moment to watch a young girl craft daisies on the sidewalk with chalk. Her face glowed with joy and creation. She would start the stem of one flower, then hand the chalk off to a stranger in the street. The stranger would finish their etch and slowly the concrete jungle of cement and chewed gum became a collective garden of individuality and honest moments of creative release. Flowers grew into exotic plants, which then grew into beings of vegetation, which then grew into beings only conjecturable by imagination. Whether a bona-fide, self proclaimed artist, or simply a fellow walking home from a day in the office, this single spot on earth allowed one to close their eyes, open their heart and just let go. A practice to often overlooked, and under appreciated in the bustle of everyday life.

A deep, cool breathe helped me appreciate the moment that much more.

I couldn't help but laugh as an entourage of college riffraff began doodling their penis flowers peeing on other creations. As long as their creativity was being expressed, the begetter of this installation didn't seem to mind much.

As I stood, suspiring at the joy this girl found in aiding everyones spiritual prerogative , I realized where I was. Not at Nuit Blanche, nor in Toronto, or even in Canada, but where I was in life.

This week had been a hard one. Late nights, long days, empty homes, straining heart and worst of all, lack of creativity. I began to see that this full time job was putting a serious cap on the amount of music I was playing. My nights were taken, my days were taken, and I was too tired to play. My worst nightmare was coming true as I was beginning a life in Toronto based no longer around music. I had a perfectly good, free home in Thunder Bay where I could work all the time and never play or write!

My stomach was churning with the thought of starting routines that eliminated my passion.

My heart was parched of the vehemence I started this journey with. I was scared. Terrified.

But something about this girl, this moment in time, this mass collection of hundreds of thousands of people...artists, sparked a fire in me. A fire that was on the verge of extinguish.

I continued my jaunt down Queen West only to be inspired by every living being I saw. Each breath, each heart, each mind, teeming with endless, abundantly accumulated imagination just craving the opportunity to erupt into something... anything... everything.

I couldn't help but be overwhelmed by love for my gift and my life.

I have an incredible, free opportunity to express myself in a beautiful, appreciated manner and it is an honor I am entitled to never cede.

It took an entire night of enveloping myself in a sea of artistry for me to again realize this.

And so, as I reflect, guitar on lap, pen in hand, I imagine a future filled with stage lights and screaming crowds. Back stages, signing tables, fan mail, and tour busses. I see huge stadiums, and intimate lounges.

I see many tiny flowers, sketched, esoterically in each individual. I see an overgrown garden allowed to flourish wildly and beautifully. I see a world covered in chalk flowers. A mass of spontaneous, momentous, wondrous, blueprints of our minds. For all the world to admire and conjoin.

I see a future easily attainable by a driven man, in a forgiving, beautiful world.

Cheers,

The Rain Made Me Do It....

2009-09-29T11:09:00.004-04:00

I almost skipped writing today, but a sudden cool winded down poor not only dampened my plans but put me in the perfect mood to write. Rain somehow does that to me every time. Its like a drug that taps into the inner most creative part of me and awakens a suppressed spirit. I want to write, and sing, and paint, and draw and just live! I just feel the need to create something. It's really weird I know.

Anyway! A lot has happened since the last time I wrote. I'd been meaning to write earlier but you get busy and tired. You all know the scoop. I probably should be more committed but I'm only human here.

On the music front, I'm ecstatic as always. I played a show at a small homey lounge called "Fitzgeralds" and I've never had a more satisfying show in my life!

By no means was it a packed show, but I didn't mind it at all. At one point in the night it was literally only my cousin Jay, his girlfriend Rebecca, my aunt and two friends who were watching, but it made for a much more comfortable, intimate performance.

I had the opportunity to play for 2 hours and as I exhausted my list of songs I found myself in a place of serenity. Easily my favourite show to date. Very excited to play there more often!

In other news, we may have lost a man in our living quarters! My good friend Tom flew home yesterday to gather himself. He was in Toronto attending an acting school, but he quickly discovered it wasn't his niche. Tom is a lot like myself in our mentality of living. If we aren't happy doing what were doing, we won't waist time there.

I went through the same thing in Winnipeg, and if I hadn't left immediately, I wouldn't be in Toronto right now playing music and living the greatest life. I'm glad that he admitted it so soon.

His talk of home put me in a bit of a lonely mood however. Our talk of him leaving and why he missed home reminded me of just how incredible Thunder Bay can be and how amazing the people are that were in my life. I can say proudly that I have the greatest family, the greatest friends, the greatest girlfriend, and the greatest situation waiting for me back home, and by all means I'd love to be there. Thunder Bay is an easy city and that is what makes it so attractive. Unfortunately for me to find myself and to find the one path that would forever make me happy, I had to make that sacrifice. It's was the hardest part of this adventure and I'll never pass an opportunity to visit home. *sigh*

All home sickness aside, I am happy. Work is very good! Something about technology just makes me so excited! Not often are you excited to go to work.

On Sunday, I called up an old friend of mine, Theo Tams, from my Candadian Idol days! We managed to swing a Blue Jay's Game into the plans. We had third row seats beside third base! Never have I enjoyed the game of baseball as much as I did then. The Picture above is our view from our seat on the CN tower from the Rogers Center.

What an incredible, incredible musician Theo is. I recommend you check him out and follow his successes! http://www.theotams.com/

But, I have a ton of home reno to do on this rainy Tuesday afternoon. Putting up some blinds, painting some walls, mounting some TV's. Really starting to feel like home here. I'll post some pictures of the home at a later date.

Quick update for today, much more to come in the future!

Thank to anyone who reads along, hopefully my life is as exciting to you as it is to me! I've never been more excited to live.

till next time readers,

-isaac

I Wasn't Aware So Much Was Possible in One Week....

2009-09-21T23:49:00.004-04:00

I know that while I write this post, my week won't have seemed as busy or as crazy or as... well nuts. But let me assure you, it was, and it was awesome!

I guess you could claim me to be settled in this metropolis they call Toronto. I haven't finished putting up all of my pre-packaged Ikea shelves or completely hung all of my Thunder Bay nostalgia, but I sleep on a bed now and I consider that pretty settled.

It has been a crazy week. It satisfies me to say that it feels like I've been here for months because that statement reassures myself in thinking I am accomplishing everything I need to as fast as humanly possible. (That was an odd sentence)

I feel that I know the city well enough now that I could find my way anywhere with relative ease. (The Google maps on my phone only assists in 90% of that search haha) I definitely know my area well enough to get around. And slowly but surely I am discovering the beautiful little details that are hidden in the mass of metal and brick. Latest example: An "Authentic Gelatorium" where one can find over 100 flavours of gelato. Ohh little Italy!

It is without question that my immediate musical foundation was placed by my incredible cousin Jay. ( www.myspace.com/jaysparrowpage ) He has managed to wedge more than just a foot into the door of the music industry and I am now, without wanting to sound pathetic, hanging by his coattails. As much as I COMPLETELY realize the amount of work that I as an individual will have to contribute to my own success, Jay is a wonderful resource of knowledge and opportunity. Opportunity such as a gig the first week in town!

I played a show last week at a small quaint yet gritty bar named "The Painted Lady". Appropriately dressed interior hung many photos of painted, nude, pretty bare, and famous women. The couture styling laced with chandeliers made for a great first venue in my eyes!

Luckily I would be opening for Jay, as well as another established Toronto musician Peirson Ross ( www.myspace.com/peirsonross ) so there was a decent crowd.

All in all the show wasn't one of my greatest successes but I had a decent response, made taste for what there was to expect, AND *drum roll please* scored another gig! wo ho

No, no, some bar owner didn't see my act and demand I play his venue. It was actually Jay's girlfriend who asked me to play (She didn't even see my set) but you know what!? I'll take what I can get!!

The show is this Thursday and is a 3 hour show!!! @ Fitzgeralds (The Beaches) 9-12pm with myself headlining! Well, "headlining" I'm just playing there all night. Apparently the atmosphere is relaxed and fun so it will be a good chance for me to find my Toronto comfort zone and find my playing niches.

In terms of my playing. I've been playing devotedly everyday, much to the assumed discomfort of my townhouse neighbours. I managed to write two complete songs and have two almost done! 4 songs in one week is a good milestone I'd say!

Jay continues to remind me that "riding enthusiasm waves" is key in this business. So I'm doing my best to fire off as many songs as I can while I'm giddy to be here. Once December lonesome kicks in I'm sure the song to day ratio will be plummeting.

We'll handle that mess when we get there!

I also managed to score some full time work at Future Shop close to home. Which means money coming in, so my food can stay stocked. A commission job as well so with Christmas coming I should be able to bank a few bones. Maybe by myself some sweet guitar treats :)

There is the up to dates on my life in the big city. I am creatively tapped right now after writing all day and working all night, so my poetic attempts are lack luster in this post, but hey, sometimes people just want it straight.

I'll provide more detail of life in later blogs. Maybe twice a week updates are necessary, but for now I'm lovin the city and lovin how much one can accomplish is a week! Imagine where I'll be in a year!!

God Speed potential readers!

-isaac

Don't Hold Your Breath, Sigh Deep and Dream...

2009-09-11T01:45:00.002-04:00

I had a moment of complete belittlement on this city evening. As sirens echoed from every corner of my single city window.

Strange however, this moment of feeling so, so small was not accompanied by regret and discouragement but instead inspiration.

As I knelt beside my window and traced the foggy city scape with my finger I realized how absolutely insignificant I was in this metropolis, but at the same time, how little I have to loose and how much there is to gain.

I drove through each tiny town while heading here and I thought to myself, "Man, this city has a population of about 12, and all 12 of those people are going to know who I am when I'm done"

Some people call it ego, I call it fire.

This is day one on my true journey to life. I will dedicate my being to my music and my creation and everyone will know. Everyone will hear.

I challenge myself to give everything I have for I honestly know this is all I want. If I don't make it, I don't want anything else. I have no plan B, because there is nothing else.

I love life. I love how hard this is going to be. I love how 10 minutes of playing will make up for 10 days of starving or struggling.

I love the high I will get when I play and create and.... live fully

I love this feeling of knowing nothing... Its empowering and cause for so much freedom. I know nothing, and will learn everything.

Good morning Toronto, I'm home...

Sirens, sing me a lullaby.

-isaac

Synopsis...

2009-09-08T09:46:00.002-04:00

All my bags are packed,

I'm ready to go... Sort of

Wow, this is getting scary! I keep forgetting the size of this move.

My mind is still in, "You're going to school so you'll be back for Thanks Giving, Christmas, maybe some long weekend and definitely all of summer" mode. Unfortunately that's not the case anymore.

I have to start visiting some people because it's going to be a while before I come back.

Sure I'll come home for Christmas and the odd visit, but other than that I'm officially becoming a resident of Toronto. The big City. The home of opportunity. My big break.

A scary, yet liberating thought.

The next blog I write will be from my new home in Toronto. Two of my good friends and I found a quaint little place just West of downtown Toronto. Apparently it is in the "music and arts" section of town, so that will undoubtedly be a great place to live.

I also keep forgetting the magnitude of Toronto possibilities. Toronto is the largest city in Canada. If something big is happening, it's in Toronto. Music festivals, art festivals, awards, movie premiers, movie filming, television filming, recording labels, concerts etc. etc. etc.

If I work hard and devote ample time to Toronto and what it has to offer, there is no way I can't find all the information I need to get on this music bandwagon.

Not to mention all the underground activities you can find if you search hard enough. I recently stumbled (I feel as though me "stumbling upon things" will be something I will be doing a lot of in the next year or two) upon a store that hosts late night shows, raves, AND....... POETRY SLAMS!!!!! I am SO excited for that! Ever since I watched spoken poetry slams on youtube I have been CRAVING a chance to go to one, if not speak at one.

I think I'll be spending some serious time there!

There is going to be so so so so much to do down there. I hope I have time to take it all in.

I'm certain that for the next couple months I am going to be on such a creativity high that you'll think I'm drunk all the time. Just being engulfed in all the arts from drawing, painting, writing, to singing, music, and poetry is going to have my blood pumping harder than it ever has before.

I'll sign off for now, I have to pack my entire room into a bag at this point.

Next you'll hear is from the heart of it all,

ciao,

-isaac

Where to Go Next....

2009-08-30T01:23:00.003-04:00

I skipped a week I know, I know. I figure my blog following isn't teeming just yet, so I won't get any angry hate mail. Hahaha..hha..ha..ah *sigh* One can dream...

So I had my big show this past Thursday.

It was an experience that was quite surreal for me.

I invited as many people as I could to come to a show, just to support me doing what I absolutely love doing more than anything. They came, gave me money, and stayed into the wee hours watching me preform. Watching me stand on stage and just be absolutely... happy!

This whole following your dreams gig might be the greatest thing I have ever stumbled upon.

In all honesty however, I am unexplainably humbled by everyone coming out to support what I was doing. I had to really stop and take in all the people who had come out to help me on my journey.

Thank you everyone, from the bottom of my heart.

Deep down, I think... no, I know everyone has a dream that they want. Some sort of aspiration that they've always longed for. Whether people achieve those dreams or not, it is something that binds us all together.

I think this is why so many people come out to support others on their journeys. It lets them, even for a moment, dream those dreams again, and maybe even believe in them again.

To see someone achieve a dream or give everything they have for a dream is inspiring to me. I see artists and people in my situation working hard and accomplishing what they want, and it pushes me to work harder and dream harder.

I also think, for the same reasons, a lot of people do not come out to those kind of shows. Seeing others accomplish and be happy in their lives can be a burden on some who maybe didn't accomplish all they had set out to accomplish.

What is most sad about that situation is those people have given up. Given up on living a happy life, which is no less attainable by them or myself.

I sat with a group of absolutely beautiful people tonight. We had a small going away gathering for myself and three others, all of which are following their passions for music and heading down to southern Ontario for school.

The room consisted of my former singing teacher Denise and everyone she has effected throughout her days teaching. From former students to current students young and old, to parents and friends.

Denise has somehow managed to draw a group of people to her life who are absolutely incredible. All beautiful, kind, genuine people. You attract those similar to yourself clearly.

But as each of us took some time to sing a few songs, talk about the good times, and show our passion for our art, I noticed a split in the room.

Half of those watching had a fire burning in their eyes. They saw kids who seemed to have it all figured out. They saw smiles and joy and comfort and accomplishment. They sat their as their own passions and dreams began to boil in their minds. Figuring out how and where they will make their next move in their road to dream catching. They soaked in a moment of inspiration and kept it close to their hearts as their imaginations took over.

These are the people who will rule the world. The people who aren't afraid of it.

A lion tamer does not tame a cat he is afraid of. How can anyone own up to their lives if it is that very life that terrifies them? To have any control you have to know your place.

The other half of those watching had sad broken stares. It completely shattered my heart to see the flame that I once saw, or believe to have once burned, dimmed by what others call "reality." They had broken hearts and dying dreams in their minds. They watched as kids took the reigns of life and happily accepted the struggle.

I wish I had the ability to open the minds of everyone who is afraid of life. To correct the thoughts of everyone who thinks they can't have what they want.

Such a small moment in time can derail one persons entire life and dreams. I've seen it happen where one bad critique, or one failed attempt will squander someone's lust for life, sending them on a down hill slope.

One day, I strongly believe the world will change.

You'll be raised in a household where change and growth is encouraged. You will see opportunity in every moment of life, and dreams will not be imagination running wild, they will be goals and realistic endeavors.

Children will be encouraged to out smart their parents, because if they don't our world will never grow. Kids should be encouraged to think, and preach, and be creative, and not follow boundaries and protocols given by an older generation, but to be given opportunities to create those boundaries. Simply imagine the growth that would come forth!

Reality won't be a struggle to make ends meet and a constant pool of negativity. Instead it will be a sea of chance and opportunity. Struggle will be the fire that fuels accomplishment, and hard times will be the essence of happiness.

No job will out weigh another job. Job's will be based and given from personal desire and work ethic. A PHD will get you no farther than a 19 year old with better ideas and more passion.

Our system won't be run by forcing everyone to be taught, instead of encouraging them to learn. We won't spend years answering questions that forcefully generalize the entire population and make essays the essence of intelligence.

Dreams will be life. Artists won't struggle because their existence will be as appreciated as a doctors. Doctors will be appreciated and rewarded for their hard work and morals but to a point that does not create social conflict.

North Americans will see Africans and Russians and Germans and all other nationalities as friends on the same earth, instead of strangers on different properties. Imagine the possibilities of earthly union. Our species would be astounding.

The world can and will be a place of peace and joy. If we spend the time to encourage the broken and not make anyone afraid of life.

Reach as high as you can, there is nothing to loose. It'll hurt but you'll learn to get there. You are far to smart not to be able to.

It's all so simple!

I just want everyone to be as happy as I was on that stage Thursday.

That's my new dream...

~G'night~

Inspired by Hurt

2009-08-16T01:07:00.002-04:00

Although in no way am I aching these days, I of late stumbled across an old poem which was written during a time when I was hurting.

I have always been one to appreciate the times that were the hardest. Not only because the hard times are the ones by which the most lesson is taught and the most experience is gained, but because, as an artist, they are the times that inspire so much creativity. Not because they are creative moments, but because, when saddened, I am often lifted to a place of emotional awakening that I can't ignore and am often overwhelmed by, hence being an emotional mess.

I have never turned away a sad or angry feeling but embraced it and used it to my artistic advantage.

Writing is my escape above all else. If I lost my ability to speak tomorrow I would be always happy writing.

Here is what I scratched down on a night that I was feeling rather down and had a heavy weight on my chest...

I scream a song, in tune I scream

I struggle late to sleep, to dream

My chest be burdened by a weight

I fear to face...

I scream a song, in tune I scream

I wish to cure, I fear to bleed

I wish to lift the ache I seethe

among my dreams....

I write to woe, I woe to write

By day I sleep, alive by night

Alone while dark, a crowd by light

when needed least....

I write to woe, I woe to write

Compelled, I second guess my rights

My mirrored figure comes to life

whose opinions cause riot....

riot within...

riot without riot...

My memory begins to lapse, and by this golden thread I grasp

----------------------------

A bit of beauty drawn from a dark moment.

I embrace the dark but to understand its depths. My light will be fashioned accordingly to erase all such darkness.

Amen to the life I lead both light and dark, good and bad, experience for experience, a contrast, existence...

Goodnight readers,

Dare to dream

The Ball, She Rolls.....

2009-08-08T01:01:00.002-04:00

What an exciting and stressful time it is!

With my newly acquired pastime of booking many shows, learning new material, finding a place to live and making as much money as possible in one month, my ability to make myself far too busy than any person should ever be has been, once again, utilized splendidly.

My brain has been on overdrive the past week. With everything from living arrangements in Toronto, to bank loans, to full time work, to risking work for music, to editing videos, to sleeping properly, to supporting other musicians, I feel a bit.... overwhelmed we could say?

I look back to my enthusiastic, yet somewhat naive quote from before this all began;

"The best way for me to do this is to completely drown myself in it and then learn to swim"

A gallant statement..... I know

But then again if I don't have the balls to brave the storm than I shouldn't expect much from this career.

Every time I worry about it, however, I can close my eyes and trade in my constant stress to spend nights drowning in a sea of passion in front of an infinitely growing crowd chanting my name and singing my songs!

Ah, what a blessing dreams are. And what a strange phenomenon that human beings have created a homonym out of "dreams"

When I close my eyes, I drift off to my perfect dream world, full of love ....and sex and magic? haha Sorry....

Full of love, and passion, and people who make me happy, and absolutely un-limited imaginative control. I literally get whatever I want, how I want it, when I want it.

And then I wake up and the world tells me "Friend, that was only a dream. It can't really happen"....later followed by..."Follow your dreams! Live life large!"(But stay within global limits)

Let's make up our minds here people! If the dreams of everyday are but goals and realistic standards, I don't think they should be called dreams at all. Instead.... Desires

Luckily I'm stubborn, and rarely listen to what the world believes.

My dreams are in my sleep and in my reality and I carry them from world to world. I dream of things I know to be reality and if not now, WILL be reality.

My dreams while I'm awake shape my dreams when I sleep and vise versa.

Our dreams are subconsciously displayed before us without our control. It is almost literally your heart and soul saying "Hey!! This is what we want! Now make it happen chump!"

So let me challenge you...

Never wake up from your dream. Open your eyes and continue to live it. Those who tell you that dreams are too hard and too impossible for real life, close their eyes and dream of a world they wish was theirs. A world they'll never have. Why do that to yourself?

You dream your ideal life, so make life your ideal dream

It is in your hands to do, I promise...

Sleep tight and Sweet dre....

Sweet Lives :)

To dream a dream...

2009-08-01T23:46:00.003-04:00

And so it rained...

The city's been an indecisive monsoon for the past week; wake up to a beautiful, sunny morning, have lunch in a rain storm, get home from work with bright blue skies, have dinner whilst the window taps with rain, get cozy at home in the summer's night heat, fall asleep to the sound of thunder.

And although I groan in the absence of continual summer sun, there is a certain something about a rain shower that I will always be smitten by.

I've come to appreciate rain as my drug....my muse even. I am never so inspired to be creative than whilst doused in a torrential downpour. It's as though my creative spirit is sitting in the clouds and this is her way of reaching down and filling my mind and heart with artistic idea and thought.

When I was younger I would sing in the rain. I would dress up in snowpants (of which I dug out of my winter attire boxes), my fathers raincoat to ensure I would not get my clothes wet (as the jacket covered most of my legs anyway), any sort of rain shoe/boot I could find (if not sandals) and go singing in the rain.

I felt as though no one could here me. That the collective consciousness of the rain drops was to create a barrier of beautiful chaos that would not allow sound to leave. That I could scream and sing and yell as much as I wanted and it was only me listening. No one else could here me.

I find myself now sitting. Less full of pure physical energy, but equally as inspired to sing.

These days I'll sit on a step or porch and feel each individual raindrop strike my forehead.

I'll imagine myself on a stage...

Alone, with an audience of which I cannot see the end. The noise of the rain changes from a sporadic pattering of splashes to a dull, organized roar. The noise begins to seep its way into my imagination and completes the picture.

The noise of the shower becomes the roar of the audience....

I want to be no where else...

This is my dream, my goal.

I will affirm this many times in this blog.

Dreams are achieved by choice. You create your reality and I am everyday creating mine.

I will not only think of my dreams and goals, but write them here, and tell every person I know of them. The more I assure myself of their immanent existence, the more they will become just that.

I control my universe. You will hear my music. Someone will rely on my music. And I will be recognized as an artist.

This is my one life dream... And I only but await its existence

Another Show, Another Opportunity

2009-07-18T15:21:00.002-04:00

A big thanks to Last Night for the opportunity to open for them Thursday night. It was a great turn out and a boot load of good times. Much appreciated. Looking forward to your next show!

http://www.myspace.com/lastnightmusicspace

Last Thursday nights show was a real eye opener for me. I had never really done a bar show before. To be honest I've never really done any show where I, alone, did more than one song, not to mention many of my own songs.

Having a good response was a beautiful affirmation that I was at a good...no no... the perfect place in my life.

Another week, another grind. As wonderful as it is for me play music as a lifestyle, it is by no means an easy hobbie... and I have barely even begun! There is so much to learn in this industry!

I spend hours and hours at a time finding new blogs, new websites, new myspaces, new tips, new tricks. Once you begin the adventure that is the world wide web, there is no end to the information available. I've also never spent so much time pushing my name into the media. When I was younger I always found it so weird how musicians would promote themselves so much, but now that I am in their position, I completely understand.

I hope I never begin to annoy anyone who follows along but instead spark an interest. I'm trying to write this blog so anyone who is curious about the music world will have their questions answered as I answer and discover my own. I have so, so much to learn and that is what intrigues me the most and what I hope intrigues anyone who reads.

Right now my life is so bombarded with information and things I need to learn that it is beginning to effect my state of mind. I'm becoming overwhelmed and a little upset that I can't accomplish everything I need to in the short amount of time I have.

I want so much to be in Toronto right now and LIVING my music, but there are some obstacles I need to conquer first at home. I want to be a better prepared musician and feel very comfortable with a long set, as to work gig jobs. I also need to be financially stable which, of course, is the most challenging aspect of any artisan dream.

Among other things, these are my most important ordeals that I am giving my all to best before September.

In terms of my web-battery of information. My myspace will hopefully be receiving the finishing touches this weekend which I am very excited for! My blog will, from here on in, be updated weekly, not biweekly! (No excuses from me on that one) Also, my facebook group has grown ten fold and for that I thank you the readers! I appreciate so much any support. It means more than you'll ever know.

I'll sign off with saying that its going to be a challenging, busy, stressful few weeks ahead, but as long as I keep my feet on the ground and my dreams in sight I'll get through it all and soon be off on the adventure of lifetime.

Goodnight everyone and anyone left,

Exhaustedly,

-isaac

Well....Here we go kids

2009-07-10T05:45:00.005-04:00

I've been waiting for the perfect moment to release my blog unto the world....

I don't know what it was, whether I needed some sort of moment of universal realization or for everything to be completed on other fronts before I tackled the more interactive portion, all I know is it had to be perfect.

Some sort of point in time where I felt creative and inspired enough to take on the presumable challenge of birthing the beginnings of a great and hopefully enjoyable, follow-able, blog.

Don't fret however my unsuspecting readers.... that moment is NOW!

5 am, sour warm orange juice in hand, sitting outside on a quaint porch engulfed in the crisp morning air. The street before me is riddled with houses that are a controlled chaos of overgrowth. Some unkept, sure, but it adds a certain... oneness with nature vibe, to the neighborhood (Hence the hybrid low emission vehicle in the driveway).

This is twice now, in a row, that I've woken up at 5 am and both times I have fallen a little more in love with the too often unconsciously overlooked hour. In July, 5 am is a little gem of peace which can most definitely be used to refresh and reestablish oneself.

The cold air causes my breathe to smoke in front my face, reminding me of the night previous. The smoke billowing from the mouths of hundreds, if not thousands of "burn one downers".

Seeing Ben Harper in concert was indescribable for me. It was one of those surreal moments in time that always pass far to quickly. And of all the acts I could have seen to solidify my choice to pursue music as my career, Ben was ideal. His passion and love while he sang and played made me long to feel as he did. His entire set was utterly alluring.

The best part about it was I knew how he felt. I know the joy and raw emotion that can be felt while playing or while singing, especially your own material.

I also always had a fear that playing your own songs so often as a musician would destroy your connection with the words and feelings of the songs, but Ben convinced me otherwise and that my friend, was appreciated.

Every time I get an opportunity to see a musician play, whether large or small, it is always an affirmation of my desire to play and be heard. What an incredible honor and privilege it would be to have thousands of people come to see you play. Scream your name. Know your songs. SING your songs. Be touched by your passionate words. Want to meet you just to feel inspired. It is that experience that drives me. Those are the moments that will keep me going until I am on that stage and the world is listening.

I have a crazy road ahead of me and I am excited, scared, ready, unprepared, nervous, confidant and everything else in between.

One aspect that I know I'm worried about is the Thunder Bay - Toronto transition. I have a sneaking suspicion that the music scene and lifestyle may or may not be a bold contrast. Don't get me wrong, I look forward to it, but it will be quite the experience and I pray it is not all to much for me.

Heck, when you have no other option on your plate but to make it, nothing will be too much.

This being my introductory post, I'll end by enticing everyone to check up weekly.

This blog will be my vent every step of the way, the goods (hopefully plenty) and the bads (hopefully not so plenty but definitely welcomed (I need more material ;)))

Any sort of comment or discussion is encouraged.

I look forward to an absurdly inconceivable journey and I hope to share it with anyone and everyone who is willing to listen.

Thank you to everyone who has encouraged this movement, I've never been happier....

"But that was now and this is then, It never lasts for long
How I miss the good old days; but Im so glad theyre gone
Wont you let me treat you kind
Were gonna burn to shine"

-"Burn to Shine", Ben Harper

-isaac